


Duty to Serve

by Maintechst



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Royalty, F/F, Rachel is evil, Trauma and aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 23:18:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 24
Words: 20,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13351590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maintechst/pseuds/Maintechst
Summary: In a kingdom that's sort of like medieval England, royal princess Cosima is taking a break from her studies to visit home. She doesn’t plan to stay long, but her ailing mother, her ambitious twin sister, and an intriguing royal librarian are making it increasingly difficult to leave.Cophine fic, with a little Shaysima and unrequited Prophine.[Please note the archive warnings. This is a sweet fic (I hope!) but also quite dark.]*Now complete!*





	1. PROLOGUE: Handmaidens

At breakfast on the princesses’ tenth birthday, their parents presented them each with a handmaiden.

‘Rachel,’ said Queen Susan to her eldest by one minute, ‘This girl is called Veera. She is said to be very clever. She will serve you well.’ Princess Rachel, sitting to her father’s right, appraised the dark-haired girl kneeling before the dais and nodded coolly.

‘Cosima,’ said Queen Susan to the younger twin at her side. Princess Cosima, caught in the midst of chewing, swallowed hurriedly and almost choked.

‘This girl is called Shay. She is said to be very kind. She will serve you well.’

Cosima gazed at the blonde girl kneeling closer to her chair and smiled shyly, though the girl was looking demurely at the tiled floor and couldn’t see her.

 ...

‘Almost,’ said Shay, ‘but the second part goes like this.’

Shay and Cosima sat cross-legged, facing each other, on the floor of the pavilion in the royal family garden. The scents of lilacs and lilies, Cosima’s favorite, floated lazily on the warm summer air, and the only sounds to be heard were the wind rustling the bushes and the hum of insects going about their business.

Shay was teaching Cosima something called a ‘hand jive,’ a clapping game Cosima had never heard of before but was enjoying immensely. She watched closely as Shay repeated the patterns of the second part and tried to mimic the flow of Shay’s movements.

‘That’s good!’ said Shay, smiling as she clasped Cosima’s hands. ‘You’re a natural, Cosima.’ Cosima smiled back at the girl, enjoying the feeling of their entwined fingers, and noticed a funny light sensation in her stomach.

Rachel’s voice cut through the moment. ‘What are you doing here? No commoners are allowed in this place!’

Shay dropped Cosima’s hands as if they’d burnt her and moved swiftly into a kneeling position, eyes cast downward.

‘It’s okay,’ Cosima interjected, stung by both the interruption and the sudden loss of contact. ‘I brought her here. We were looking for a quiet place where—’

‘Get out, you filthy servant!’ Rachel shouted, ignoring Cosima. ‘Out!’

Shay stood gracefully, bowed, and moved to leave the pavilion. As she passed the older twin, Rachel reached out and slapped the girl on the cheek with enough force to knock her into the pavilion wall. ‘And how dare you call a princess by her first name!’

‘Rachel!’ Cosima cried, ‘Cut it out! I asked her to!’

Straightening slowly, but with her head still lowered, Shay nodded first to Rachel and then to Cosima. ‘My apologies, Highness,’ she murmured, and Cosima wasn’t sure if she was apologizing for the supposed slight or for leaving Cosima so abruptly in the middle of their game.

Cosima opened her mouth to protest but couldn’t figure out how to say what she wanted to say. And then Shay was gone.

‘You’re a princess,’ Rachel sneered at her. ‘It’s time you start acting like one.’

...

Cosima tried to get to know Veera as well, but the girl was skittish and would never meet Cosima’s eye. A tilt of her head would hide her expression behind a curtain of hair, and she would speak only in polite monosyllables.

The week after the incident in the pavilion, Cosima noticed a red welt on Veera’s wrist as she held out a pitcher of water. A few weeks after that, the girl appeared in the breakfast chamber with a blue bruise encircling her puffy right eye.

Concerned but uncertain about what to do, Cosima was relieved when Queen Susan appeared at their lessons later that day and asked to address her daughters privately.

‘To have one person entirely devoted to you and you alone, to care for you and tend to your every need, is not a privilege to be treated lightly,’ the queen said solemnly. ‘You must honor that care with care of your own.’

‘But mother,’ Rachel interrupted, ‘we have thousands devoted to us. We are royalty. It is their duty to serve us.’

‘Indeed, as it is our duty to serve them,’ Susan replied. Dropping the formal tone for a gentler one, she continued, ‘A handmaid is special, Rachel. She knows you as no one else, and so can serve you as no one else. Moreover, you must trust her above all, and so she must trust you above all.’

Cosima tugged thoughtfully on one of the many braids Shay had coaxed her hair into earlier that morning. ‘Don’t you and father trust each other above all?’

Susan slowly moved her gaze to her younger daughter. ‘Indeed. But that is another kind of devotion, and one we won’t get into today.’

Cosima nodded, but wasn’t sure she fully understood the difference.

...

Over the next few years, Shay taught Cosima many things. Among them were a dozen more hand jives, the art of meditation, and, when Rachel wasn’t around, the names of all the flowers in the garden and their uses in medicine.

In their teens, Cosima learned of a plant that could heighten sensation when its smoke was inhaled, and refused to leave Shay alone until she agreed to smuggle some into the castle. The two spent many a pleasant night after that hidden in a small bare room off the kitchen—a room Rachel would never deign to set foot in—giggling together as they lay on a pile of old blankets borrowed from the storerooms and describing the shapes that danced across the stone walls in the flickering candlelight.

Cosima never saw much of Rachel anymore, as the older twin devoted more and more time to the habits of a future queen—reviewing edicts, attending council meetings, speaking with distinguished foreign guests, and the like. Cosima participated in such things as much as her role as next-in-line required, but mostly found them tediously boring. She would nod solemnly every now and then to keep up appearances but slip away as quickly as possible to the garden or kitchen or stables, where Shay would enquire teasingly about the absurdities of royal life. 

Veera remained as much a mystery to Cosima as ever, and had an unnerving habit of appearing and disappearing as quickly and quietly as a ghost. But the girl no longer showed up at breakfast with angry marks on her skin, so Cosima let it be.

...

They were fifteen when Cosima told Shay she was beautiful. The candle burnt down as they formed their own soft shapes in the dark.

...

At breakfast on the princesses’ seventeenth birthday, their father the king complained of chest pains and a listlessness in his left arm. The healers ushered him away, but it was too late. Cosima sat with her mother and sister by his bedside and held his hand as he passed. She avoided looking at Rachel, whose expression seemed to Cosima to hold an eerie edge of excitement.

Afterward, she walked as if in a dream as the news rippled through the castle. Shay found her and hugged her, uncaring for once of who might be watching.

...

That night, restless, Cosima took to wandering the halls again. The corridors were nearly deserted, with many of their residents either holed up or sent away to prepare for the king’s funeral and the queen’s transition to sole sovereignty. Shay walked quietly a few steps behind her, close enough to offer comfort but not to raise the eyebrows of any remaining passers-by.

A loud cry tugged Cosima out of her daze as they passed the hallway that led to Rachel’s chambers. Alarmed, she turned down the hallway and knocked on the door. ‘Rachel?’ she called softly. A thump sounded from within, followed by a much larger crash. Cosima lifted the latch and shoved the door open.

The sight that greeted her did not immediately make sense to her.

Rachel, still in her dayclothes, visibly furious and reaching toward a small table. Veera in front of her, next to the table, crumpled in an unmoving heap.

Veera with a small dark puddle near her head.

Rachel lifting a lit candle from the table.

Rachel hurling the lit candle at Veera’s twisted form.

Then, in the seconds before the flames met the lavish carpet and roared into the air, Rachel cruelly smiling.

...

‘Stop!’ was all Cosima could think to shout.

The flames curled around the unconscious handmaiden as Rachel snapped her head up, finally noticing the two girls in the doorway. ‘What are you doing here?’ she demanded, expression again furious, sending Cosima for one ringing moment back to the pavilion all those years ago. The acrid, terrible smell of burning flesh permeated the room.

Veera convulsed suddenly and screamed in pain. Finally free of her paralysis, Cosima ran to the water pitcher by the bed and hurled its contents toward the writhing girl. The flames went out, but Veera continued to scream. Cosima dropped to her knees, not knowing what to do. ‘Help!’ she called hoarsely.

She felt Shay’s hand on her shoulder. ‘They’re on their way,’ the girl said.

‘Who is?’ Rachel asked, strangely quiet. Cosima looked up. The older twin’s expression had gone blank, and she now focused intently on Shay. ‘Who is coming?' 

‘Healers, Highness,’ Shay replied steadily.

The sounds of running footsteps in the hallway became apparent as Veera’s screams sank to low moans. Rachel’s blank expression cracked for a moment with a line of panic before she smoothed it away again.

Overwhelmed and afraid to look at the injured girl, Cosima simply stared at her twin.

Rachel looked from Cosima to Shay and back to Cosima again. ‘I know about you two,’ she hissed. Cosima felt Shay’s hand tighten on her shoulder.

The called-for help came pouring into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone. Making up for the lack of new Orphan Black episodes with AO3. This prologue was based off a dream I had, and the story followed from there. I'm going to try to update fairly regularly, possibly with multiple chapters at a time—let me know if you guys have a day of the week preference. 
> 
> Comments and kudos always appreciated. Enjoy!


	2. Homecoming

_Ten years later_

 ...

‘Welcome home,’ Rachel said flatly. ‘I trust your travels have been... educational.’ 

Cosima’s lips quirked in a half-sincere smile. ‘Yeah, I’d say so. I’ve seen and smelled and sometimes tasted nearly every plant in Berkeley. I’m hoping to visit Minnesota next, they have a great university there.’

When Rachel made no response, Cosima glanced around the throne room. ‘I see your staying has been...’—the warm wood of their childhood had already been replaced by ivory and gold—‘productive.’

Rachel ignored the comment. ‘Have you been to see mother?’

‘Of course, yeah. The healers said she’s doing a bit better for now, that she has good days and bad. They wouldn’t let me get too close though.’ She raised her eyebrows at her twin. ‘You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?’ No one other than Rachel and their mother would have the authority to order such a thing.

‘We are the heirs,’ Rachel replied.

Cosima frowned. ‘I have been abroad for five years training under the most renowned healers of the realm, and I am not allowed to tend to my own sick mother?’

‘The healers do not yet know the cause of her ailment,’ Rachel said. ‘We cannot risk exposure.’

‘Yeah, we’ll see about that,’ Cosima muttered.

‘What did you say?’

‘I said yeah, I can see that.’

...

Cosima plopped down into her favorite chair with none of the decorum expected of a princess, dropping her bag—she’d insisted to the servants that she could carry it herself—in a heap at her feet, which she stretched out onto the stool in front of her. Beside her a lazy fire crackled in the smaller of the library’s two fireplaces, the one on the far side of the room, which was most often deserted. Cosima let her head fall back and closed her eyes.

In Berkeley, she’d worked hard to get the townsfolk to treat her as a student rather than a princess. Here she couldn’t walk down a hallway without triggering a cascade of bows and curtseys. Best to lay low until she could see her mother and return to her studies...

She woke with a start. Apparently her journey had tired her more than she’d realized. The fire was burning low and the light coming in through the narrow windows told her twilight had already fallen.

_This is more like it_ , she thought to herself with a wry smile. _Falling asleep in the library. Just like being back in Berkeley_. Now that she’d spent so much time in that town pursuing her studies, it had begun to feel like a second home to her.

And speaking of her studies, she’d promised her favorite instructor that she’d continue their research while she was home. _No time like the present_.

She spent a good half hour just perusing the shelves in the medical section of the royal library. She was pleased to discover that titles that had meant nothing to her upon her departure five years ago now felt like old friends. She ran her finger along their spines, pausing at a gap between two large tomes with titles in an unfamiliar tongue.

‘Ancient Yral,’ said a soft, eager voice behind her. ‘Do you know it?’

Cosima spun around and nearly stumbled into the bookcase. Standing before her was the most beautiful women she had ever seen. And she had spoken with a beautiful accent.

‘You’re French,’ Cosima said without thinking, and then blinked. ‘Uh, sorry, that was super rude. That’s me, always blurting the obvious.’ She was babbling. ‘I’m Cosima.’ She held out her hand in greeting, the way academic colleagues generally did.  

But the other woman’s eyes widened, and she immediately dropped to her knees, curls falling to hide her face. ‘Forgive me, your Highness,’ she said to the floor. ‘I did not recognize you.’

Pushing aside a familiar sense of disappointment, Cosima collected herself. ‘You know, _I_ should really be asking _your_ forgiveness. I mean with my manners, there’s no way you could have guessed I’d been born in a castle.’

The woman’s head dipped, which Cosima took to mean that she had smiled. ‘Please, there’s no need for formality here. I prefer to go without, actually.’

The woman looked up at her and after a moment, slowly stood. ‘If you are sure that it is okay.’

‘Definitely. Here, let me try again.’ Cosima held out her hand again. ‘Hi! My name is Cosima. I do not know Ancient Yral but would love to learn about it.’

The woman laughed and took her hand in a scholar’s handshake, finally meeting her eyes. ‘It is a miserable but fascinating language with twenty-three cases and sixteen registers, but I would be happy to teach you the basics. My name is Delphine Cormier and I am your royal librarian while Lord Leekie is away on business. _Enchantée_ , Cosima.’

Surprised, relieved, and strangely light-headed, Cosima grinned. ‘ _Enchantée_.’


	3. Remedies

After making more of her royal status than she had in years and assuring the head healer that she would call if anything changed, Cosima won ten minutes alone with her mother. With light, brisk hands, she performed her own examination, cheerfully regaling her patient with tales from her studies as she went—the community herb garden she’d helped plant; her first watery attempts at mixing remedies; the premature baby they’d helped save, so small he could almost fit in Cosima’s hand. Stories she knew her mother would like.

The queen was too weak to say much, but her lips curled up in a smile and her hands fluttered as if to say, _stop fussing_.

...

‘She’s no worse, but no better,’ Cosima said. Her chin rested on her fist, her elbow propped on the side of her favorite chair by the fireplace at the back of the library. In the chair across from her, Delphine leaned forwards, hands folded and resting between her knees.

‘Perhaps this is a good sign,’ Delphine said. ‘She is stable, no?’

‘Yes. I don’t know.’ Cosima sighed. ‘I just wish I could tell what’s wrong, you know?’ She’d spent the days since her hard-won examination pouring over the medical texts she’d brought as well as everything she could find in the royal library, and yet—nothing the healers hadn’t already tried seemed to match the symptoms her mother displayed. 

Cosima shook her head. ‘After five years, you’d think I could...’ Her eyes felt warm.

‘Hey.’ Delphine clasped Cosima’s hands in her own. ‘You cannot blame yourself for this. Sometimes we cannot control the things we wish to control, even though we do our best... I am not saying this correctly. But you understand?’

Cosima blinked at their entwined fingers. Despite her frustration, there was a funny, light sensation in her stomach. She hadn’t felt it in years.

Noticing the direction of her gaze, Delphine self-consciously pulled her hands away, and Cosima mourned the loss of contact.

‘Please forgive me,’ Delphine said quietly. ‘I do not wish to overstep—’

Cosima leaned forward, took Delphine’s hands in hers, and kissed her.

For a moment, Cosima’s world spun.

Then she realized that the woman across from her had frozen.

Cosima hastily sat back in her chair, alarmed. Delphine’s face was pale. ‘Uh, Delphine? Gods... did I make a huge mistake?’

Delphine wouldn’t look at her. ‘Is this why you have been kind to me?’ she asked carefully. ‘Is this what you wish of me?’

‘Wish... no, of course not!’ Cosima said, the meaning of Delphine’s words hitting her in the gut. ‘I mean I wish it, but not like, I mean I would never...’

‘Oh, I see,’ Delphine said, flatly. Then, ‘I have to go. May I?’

‘Of course, you don’t have to ask—or you know what, I’ll go.’ Cosima stood up hurriedly, but Delphine jumped to her feet as well.

‘No, it is okay.’ Delphine flashed her an insincere smile. ‘I will go. Goodnight, Cosima.’

She shut the door quietly, but Cosima felt it in her bones.

...

It had been five years since Cosima had set foot in the royal family garden, but she had spent most of the past three days in it. Specifically, lying on the floor of the pavilion in a sweet, smoky haze of relaxation. She was a grown woman now and she could do what she liked.

She was thinking a lot about Shay.

Ten years since Rachel had ordered Shay away from the castle under threat of exposure. Ten years since she’d begged Shay to stay with her, to fight for her. Ten years since Shay had said that fighting was not in her nature, and wished her well. Ten years since the door had whispered shut.

Until recently, anyway.

‘Cosima?’

Cosima slowly lifted her head. The bright sunlight cast the figure in the doorway in shadow, but there was no mistaking that voice. ‘Delphine?’ She propped herself up on her elbows.

The figure hesitated. ‘May I, um, sit with you?’

Cosima blinked, then scrambled over to make room. ‘Oh yeah, sure. Totally.’

Delphine sat cross-legged beside her, back against the pavilion wall. ‘You have a unique way of speaking,’ she said. 

‘Oh, yeah. It’s all Berkeley. I mean they totally ruined me.’

‘I like it, it is very you.’

Cosima hesitated, then sat up too. Their knees were almost touching. ‘Delphine, about the other day. Apparently I've got this thing for, like, jumping to conclusions, and I clearly read the situation wrong and you’re not, um... interested. So I get that and it’s totally fine. I’m sorry for putting you in an uncomfortable position.’ 

Delphine shook her head. ‘Thank you, but it is I who wish to apologize.’ At the look on Cosima’s face, she smiled slightly. ‘If conclusions were jumped to, I am the one who did the jumping.’ 

The corner of Cosima’s mouth turned up at the awkward phrasing.

‘I have not known you long but I feel like I have, and I know that you would not...’

She trailed off, and Cosima’s expression turned serious again. ‘Delphine, I promise I would never, like, order you to do anything. Especially something you didn’t want to do.’

Delphine nodded. ‘I know. That is why I apologize for... I believe you would say, _freaking out_.’

For the first time in three days, they shared a smile. 

‘As for myself,’ Delphine continued, ‘I have thought a lot about it and there are very many reasons why this, you and me, would be a very bad idea. It cannot possibly go anywhere, as you are a princess, and I...’

She trailed off again, and for a moment Cosima felt there was something she was not saying, something more than ‘I am a librarian.’ But Delphine continued, and Cosima let it go.

‘I have gone over and over this in my head. All the reasons it is illogical. But... I cannot stop thinking about that kiss.’

Cosima’s heart pounded. ‘Uh, like in a not bad way?’

‘A... not bad way, yes.’

Cosima grinned. ‘That’s oddly romantic,’ she said. ‘And totally encouraging.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My goal for now is to update on Thursdays. Thanks JB22, COSIMANERD, and tatarrific for my first reviews, and thanks to everyone who left kudos—your encouragement means a lot.


	4. Sunlight

‘Cosima,’ Delphine breathed, ‘this is beautiful.’ They stood together in a rounded, open-air lookout, the highest room in the castle. The first rays of sun washed the land in an orange glow.

Cosima nodded, leaning on the stone wall in front of them as she gazed out. ‘Yeah, sneaking up here was one of my favorite things, growing up.’

‘I would not have thought you an early riser.’

Cosima laughed. ‘You got me there. Mostly I was still awake from the night before.’

They were silent a while. Then Delphine took Cosima’s hand. ‘What were your other favorite things?’

Delphine’s hands were beautiful. ‘Oh, I don’t know. French, libraries, curls...’

‘Cheeky girl!’

Cosima dodged Delphine’s playful slap. ‘You’ll have to be faster than that!’

Without a word, Delphine tugged Cosima back to her and kissed her.

...

The days began to take on a pattern. In the morning, Cosima would tend to whatever royal business couldn’t be avoided and try to make the best of it. In the afternoon she would check in on her mother, then retreat to the library to continue her studies. Delphine would be waiting for her there, or would appear shortly after, and the two of them would work on their separate tasks in easy silence, broken every now and then with an exclamation or an interesting discovery. Cosima learned that Delphine could read fairly well in more than two dozen languages. Delphine learned that Cosima talked to her books—‘Come on, give me a diagram, not a table, a diagram...’—when she became engrossed in them.

At dinner they would catch each other’s eye across the rows of tables, and by nightfall they would be back in the library, in front of the fireplace at the back of the room. Cosima told Delphine about growing up in the castle, about venturing out to study medicines, about the people she’d met in Berkeley and in villages along the way. Delphine told Cosima about leaving home to study languages, about devouring every book she could find and longing to travel to all the places that had birthed the words she studied.

‘We’ll go together,’ Cosima said. ‘Wherever you wanna go.’

Delphine smiled, but there was sadness behind it.

...

One night, Delphine didn’t show up in the library after dinner. Cosima talked herself out of going to look for the other woman, partly out of respect for Delphine’s autonomy but mostly to avoid dealing with anyone else she might run into in the corridors. A delegation of foreign officials had arrived that morning, and Cosima had had more than enough princessing for the day.

The library felt strangely quiet, the crackling of the fire strangely loud. When the last traces of light had left the sky and the library shelves were almost entirely in shadow, Cosima put down her book and retired to her rooms.

_I’ll see her tomorrow_ , she thought, and wondered at how she’d come to depend so much on the other woman’s company in such a short time.

...

But Delphine did not show at breakfast, nor in the library in the afternoon. With relief, Cosima noticed her across the room at dinner, but Delphine met her eyes only once and barely smiled. After dinner, Cosima waited in the library with an open book on her lap, reading the same page over and over without comprehending it, listening for the creak of the large wooden doors at the front of the room.

Eventually there it was, and a minute later, there Delphine was. She looked tired.

Cosima smiled. ‘Hey, you.’ She resisted the urge to launch into questioning, afraid that the tension in her voice would make her sound like a demanding royal rather than a concerned... friend.

Thankfully, Delphine answered her unspoken questions right away. ‘Cosima, I am sorry to have missed you earlier. The delegates brought some rare texts they wished translated, and the princess volunteered my services. I should have gotten word to you.’ She sank into her usual chair, but delicately, as if its contours were unfamiliar.

Relieved, Cosima assured her not to worry. She was curious to know what sort of documents the delegation had brought all the way here to have translated, but the subject seemed to distress Delphine, so Cosima let it go. If it concerned her, Rachel would no doubt mention it when she returned to her royal duties in the morning. For now she was grateful to know that Delphine’s absence had been a business matter, not a misstep on her part, and she would leave it at that.

And if Delphine’s explanation had sounded rehearsed, well—that was just the day’s anxiety talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks JB22 and COSIMANERD for sticking with me, and merrycat and snow—welcome to the trip!


	5. Shadows

Two months had passed since Cosima’s return to the castle, and she could hardly imagine her life without Delphine in it. She had returned solely for her mother’s sake, sure that the sickness would clear and she would be on her way to Minnesota in no time. But her mother’s lingering ailment and Delphine’s unexpected presence cast uncertainty over the future; what would she do if her mother didn’t recover?

What would she do if she did?

...

The younger princess and the royal librarian had become inseparable, and the inhabitants of the castle began to notice. The relative privacy of the library had bought the women time, shielding them from prying eyes, but their glances at dinner were obvious, and their trips together—to watch the sunrise from the tower, or take a walk through the gardens, or track down a particularly grotesque tapestry that Cosima remembered from her childhood—provided plenty of opportunity for gossip.

Cosima, used to gossip and generally uninterested in royal life anyway, was mostly unbothered by it, but she could tell it was affecting Delphine. 

When they were alone together the woman was relaxed, happy, as eager to embrace Cosima as Cosima was to embrace her. But at dinner, she stopped meeting Cosima’s eye, feigning great interest in the conversations around her. When Cosima would suggest venturing outside the library, Delphine would smile and encourage Cosima to go alone, citing tiredness or too much work to do. Cosima, sensitive to the unfortunate power imbalance that existed between them and eager to avoid another misunderstanding, stopped asking.

The library was their sanctuary, and that was enough. 

...

Harder to ignore were Delphine’s mysterious absences. Twice more she failed to appear in their usual meeting places, only to show up some time later looking the worse for wear and rattling off a rehearsed-sounding explanation. Twice more Cosima suppressed her questions, distracting both Delphine and herself with comical tales or colorful characters from her studies in an attempt to make the worn-looking woman laugh. Twice it worked.

The third time, it didn’t.

...

Halfway through her story about mistakenly identifying one root as another, Cosima trailed off. Delphine was nodding but her gaze was far away.

The silence stretched on for almost a minute before Delphine blinked. ‘Hm?’ she said quietly, refocusing on Cosima. She’d been absent from the library that afternoon, but had been waiting there when Cosima returned from dinner. Her hair fell in its usual curls, but they were flat and dull, and Cosima noticed with a start that the other woman’s collarbones seemed more sharply defined than she remembered. 

‘Delphine,’ she said, ‘is... everything okay?’

‘What? Oh, yes. I am sorry, I was distracted for a moment.’

Cosima hesitated. ‘Something on your mind?’

Delphine’s eyes searched the bookcases behind Cosima’s head before answering. ‘Oh, it is only... I have been thinking. About... about us.’ She glanced at Cosima before continuing. ‘Did you mean it that day when you said you wished... I mean, do you want to have sex with me?’ 

Cosima sat back and laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck. ‘Wow, you are very, uh, direct.’

‘I am being serious,’ Delphine said. 

‘Yes, you definitely are. Well...’ Cosima leaned forward again, reached out to tuck a stray curl behind Delphine’s ear. ‘I think you’re smart, and kind, and funny, and gorgeous. If you want to share that part of yourself with me, I’d like to share that part of myself with you.’ When Delphine didn’t say anything, she hurriedly added, ‘But only if you want to. No pressure.’ She smiled. ‘I’m also happy just to make, like, crazy science with you.’ It was a lie, but she would take whatever she could get, even if it stopped at close friendship. Cosima held her breath. 

Finally, Delphine leaned forward too. ‘I would like to,’ she said. ‘Now.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm posting two chapters today. Meaning, you can keep reading!
> 
> And seriously, thanks for your support.


	6. Scars

‘Like, right now?’ Cosima repeated, sure she had heard wrong.

‘Yes,’ Delphine said firmly, and Cosima’s heart thudded in her chest. Then Delphine’s expression waivered. ‘Only, I have never been with a woman before. I am not sure how to... start?’

Cosima smiled encouragingly. ‘Like this,’ she said, and pulled Delphine in for a long kiss. When they came up for air, she brought her hand to Delphine’s cheek. ‘As for the rest,’ she said, ‘I’ll show you.’

...

Delphine was a quick study. Cosima guided her hands at first, but she soon took charge, exploring Cosima’s tingling skin with increasing boldness. Cosima, pleasantly surprised at this turn of events, melted beneath her fingertips.

Freeing Cosima’s tunic from her belt, Delphine lifted it above the woman’s head and kissed the skin she found underneath. Cosima moaned, then yelped as Delphine bit down. 

‘I am sorry—’ Delphine said, beginning to pull away, but Cosima held her even closer and smiled reassuringly. ‘It’s okay,’ she said somewhat breathlessly. ‘Keep going. Let’s just keep it gentle for now.’

They moved from the chairs to the floor, Cosima’s back arching away from the rug with increasing urgency as Delphine regained her confidence and her hands ventured lower. Cosima ran her fingers up Delphine’s spine, nearing the edge, pressing their bodies together.

Suddenly Delphine shuddered, and not in a good way.

‘Delphine?’ Cosima asked, instantly alert. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘I am fine,’ Delphine said, but her face was white.

‘You’re in pain,’ Cosima protested, rising to her elbows to see the other woman more clearly. ‘Did I hurt you?’ If so, she was going to kick herself. Hard. What was she, fifteen again?

‘No, no,’ Delphine said, but she turned away. 

Cosima sat up. ‘Please, tell me what’s happening.’

Delphine shook her head. ‘It is a previous injury. It is nothing to worry about.’

‘Can I see?’

After a moment, Delphine dipped her chin ever so slightly. Cosima leaned around her and gently pulled the fabric of her tunic up to her shoulders. A line of angry red welts marched from Delphine’s left shoulder blade to the center of her spine. Cosima saw it for only seconds before Delphine turned, and the fabric fell to cover it again. 

Delphine looked miserable. ‘You see,’ she said, ‘it is not your doing.’ 

It took a moment for Cosima to find words. ‘Who did this to you?’ 

Delphine sighed. ‘Cosima, I showed you this so you would not blame yourself. Please leave it at that. It is not your business.’ 

‘Not my business?’ Cosima sat back on her heels. ‘How can you say that?’

Delphine was tucking in her tunic, adjusting her clothing, face averted. ‘Because it is true. Please leave it be.’ She moved to stand up.

‘Wait, please wait.’ Cosima reached out, touched Delphine’s cheek. ‘Whatever it is. I can help you.’

But Delphine shook her head. ‘No.’

‘I’m royalty,’ Cosima said desperately. ‘They’ll have to listen to me!’

‘I am sorry,’ Delphine said, avoiding Cosima’s eye. She stood and disappeared into the shelves. A moment later, the heavy door creaked open and shut.

...

Delphine was not at breakfast the next morning. Cosima moved her food around her plate without eating it. She had barely slept, tossing and turning all night instead, replaying the events in the library over and over in her head.

‘You’re lucky our honored guests appear to be late sleepers,’ Rachel said dryly. ‘Do try to make yourself look alive before we meet with them.’

Annoyed at the intrusion, Cosima made no reply. Rachel continued on, listing the documents they were to discuss in the meeting. 

And then it clicked. A terrible feeling rose in her gut. Cosima put her fork down. ‘What,’ she said, interrupting Rachel’s monotonous recitation, ‘did you do to Delphine?’


	7. Scraps

‘Who?’ Rachel asked smoothly.

But it was too late. Cosima had seen it, a flicker of acknowledgement, of alertness, before the mask was drawn over her expression.

 _I’m royalty_ , she’d said to Delphine. _They’ll have to listen to me!_ There was only one person in the castle who wouldn’t care about royal disfavor—the same person who had left welts on another woman’s skin, more than a decade ago.

‘Delphine Cormier, the royal librarian. You hurt her,’ Cosima said in a low voice. 

‘Oh,’ said Rachel. ‘You’re referring to Leekie’s little school girl. The one you chase around like a love-sick puppy.’ Her mouth twisted scornfully and she turned back to her plate, moving her knife back and forth in measured strokes. ‘A bit of sisterly advice. I wouldn’t get so attached to that one, if I were you. You’ll find quite the queue at her bedchamber door.’ 

‘What are you talking about?’ Cosima said.

‘Don’t you know?’ Rachel said. ‘She may call herself a _scholar_ , but that’s certainly not why our esteemed Leekie brought her back from France.’

Cosima felt her breath catch in her throat.

‘But,’ Rachel continued matter-of-factly, ‘now that’s he’s away, we are at least able to put her assets to use, in service to the kingdom.’

‘As a translator,’ Cosima said, heart beating fast. ‘She translates rare texts.’

Rachel laughed. ‘Is that what she told you? There’s nothing rare about her work, I can assure you.’

‘You...’ Cosima could barely find words. ‘You’re lying.’

‘Am I?’ Rachel scoffed. ‘Your delicate _librarian_ chose this work. She signed a contract.’ She finally turned back to Cosima, smiling coldly. ‘But how sweet, that you want to _rescue_ her.’

...

The library doors were tall and made of oak, carved with twin trees, one on each door, roots and branches spiraling out. They had always seemed friendly to Cosima; they meant knowledge, and comfort.

At this moment, she was afraid to touch them.

After lingering in the corridor for a ridiculous amount of time, she gave up and started walking. There was nowhere she wanted to go—nowhere she wanted to be—so she wandered.

Somehow she found herself in the small bare room off the kitchen, where she and Shay used to hide for hours at a time. Peering into the near-darkness, she could just make out a scrap of cloth that had gotten wedged beneath the baseboard in the far corner.

After a moment, she turned. She retraced her steps. She pushed through the library doors, walked through every room, peered down every row of shelves. The library was empty. 

Next she tried the small set of rooms traditionally assigned to the royal librarian. Perhaps Delphine was staying there while Leekie was away. _Or perhaps she had already been..._

Cosima knocked, but there was no answer. She walked on.

She was passing the guest wing when she heard it. The click of a latch. A low, insistent murmur. A polite reassurance, in a French accent.

She turned the corner just in time to see the door shut and the pleasant smile on Delphine’s face smooth into blankness, like a slate wiped clean. 

Delphine turned away from the door, adjusting her tunic, looking tired. She walked two steps before her eyes landed on Cosima, and she froze. ‘Cosima?’

Cosima swallowed, trying not to see the guilty expression on Delphine’s face. ‘Uh, hey.’

Delphine opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out.

After a moment, Cosima said quietly, ‘Will I see you tomorrow?’

After a longer moment, Delphine nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is late! A short chapter this time, but I promise the next one will be a long one—one that will answer a lot of questions...


	8. Signs

Delphine Cormier was sixteen when she decided she was ready for university. She’d been asking questions even the schoolmaster couldn’t answer for years, and she’d already read every remotely interesting book in the village—including some that she shouldn’t technically have known about or had access to.

And some that weren’t even in French. A bard who’d stayed in their village for a year had taught her the basics of English, the language of a kingdom to the North, and told her she was the fastest learner he’d ever met. She’d picked through books in other languages as well, ancient tongues that promised knowledge she wouldn’t find anywhere else. At university, she would learn all of them.

When she was eighteen, she announced her decision to her family at dinner. Her father snorted. ‘Send a girl to university. What a lark.’ She protested that most universities had formally opened to women the previous year. Her mother told her not to talk back and sent her to the kitchen to bring in the next tray.

The following week, Mr. Cormier made an announcement of his own: the blacksmith had asked for his daughter’s hand in marriage, and he had given it. ‘Let that be the end of this university business,’ he said.

Delphine packed a bag and slipped away in the night.

...

Delphine thrived at university. She rose quickly to the top of her class, despite being one of only a handful of female students. She also developed a thick skin, learning to ignore the raised eyebrows and crude comments of her peers as she focused on the pages in front of her.

The first time she returned to her village to visit her parents, they shut the door in her face. She returned to school and threw herself into her work.

She was generally able to maintain a small income as a translator and a scribe, just enough to cover her fees. But when summer came, most of the classes ended and the other scholars left for home. She cut herself down to one meal a day and pressed on with her studies, ignoring the pangs in her stomach, until the new semester began and she could find work again.

...

Six weeks after she graduated from university, Delphine received two white envelopes. One contained an eviction notice. The other contained a letter.

The letter was from a professor whose work she’d admired since before she’d arrived at the university. He’d recently attained the honored position of royal librarian in the kingdom to the north. He remembered that she’d asked bright questions in his lecture class, and wondered if she would join him as his assistant.

Delphine was surprised he’d asked her, a recent graduate, to fill such a high-level position. But she was so relieved that she didn’t question it. 

...

The first sign was the room assignment. Upon her arrival, Delphine found that the room she’d been given was actually one of the royal librarian’s guest rooms, and as such, was a part of Lord Leekie’s suite. She was a bit unnerved at the idea of anyone besides herself holding a key to her living quarters, but perhaps that was how they did things in this kingdom.  

And it was a small price to pay for everything she had gained—not only reliable access to food and shelter but also a high position in a foreign land, the chance to study beside an esteemed scholar, and, best of all, a library so big and so crowded with shelves of books and scrolls that you could almost lose yourself in them. 

The next sign was the odd hours at which he’d request her assistance—early in the morning or late in the evening, when no one was around and they had to work by candlelight. She would lean down to peer at a page in the flickering light, and when she straightened again he’d be standing just a little bit closer behind her.

Next were the touches, never too bold but, as the months passed, more and more frequent—a hand on her shoulder, a guiding arm around her waist. She told herself he was courting her, that she should be flattered at his attentions to a commoner like herself. She could like him, she thought. He was one of the only men she knew who took her ideas seriously, who had encouraged her in her studies, who really listened to what she had to say.

She tried it for a while—leaning into him, touching his arm, smiling back. _It would be so convenient to like him_ , she thought.

The first time she awoke in the night to the creaking of her door, she thought she had dreamed it. She sat up in bed to search the darkness, but there was no one else in the room. 

In the morning she found her door unlatched. _Perhaps it was the wind?_ The excuse felt thin even to her.

...

After one particularly late night over a particularly difficult text, she returned to the suite to find him waiting by her door. He pushed her gently against the wall and kissed her. She let it happen, then broke away with a conciliatory smile. ‘It is so late!’ she exclaimed. ‘You must be exhausted. I know I am.’

She started towards her room, moving past him, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her. ‘Don’t be coy, Delphine,’ he said. ‘We both know you’re smarter than that.’ His fingers slid along her shoulder and curled around her neck, pulling her back to him.

‘I do not know what you mean,’ Delphine said, frozen in place.

‘Of course you do,’ said Leekie. ‘Now be a good girl.’ He guided her back to the wall and kissed her again.

‘I do not think this is—’ she began.

‘Shhhh,’ he said, and reached for the hem of her skirt.

...

When she ran into him the next morning, he nodded politely at her as if nothing had happened. 

Perhaps nothing had. It would be easier that way.

She turned to her work. 

... 

The next time she awoke to the creaking of her door, she pretended to be asleep. She heard footsteps, then nothing.

After a minute that felt like a year, the footsteps left and the door shut.

She lay awake the rest of the night.

...

‘Delphine,’ he said, concern in his voice, ‘are you ill?’

Swaying a little on her feet, she shook her head. She hadn’t slept properly in days. She just needed—

Suddenly she was falling.

...

She was fighting through a dark fog. As her vision cleared, she turned her head to take in her surroundings. They were unfamiliar, and ostentatious. She was lying on a bed, but it was not her bed. She was cold and her head hurt.

He was there standing above her, stroking her hair, her arm. Still disoriented, she flinched. ‘ _Non_...’

His expression was comforting, his words soft. His hands traveled lower and lower.

With all the energy she could muster in her confused state, she shoved him away. She heard a shout and a crash. She pushed herself up to sit, though her limbs were slow to respond, and swung her legs down off the bed.

Not daring to look around, she stumbled out into the corridor and back to her own room. She shut the door and collapsed against it, sliding down to the stone tiles. 

...

The next time her door creaked open, the footsteps didn’t hesitate. He came striding into her room as if he owned it—and he did, she knew. 

‘Get up,’ he said. ‘You know, I am so disappointed in you.’

She stood, though not because he’d told her too. She folded her arms over her chest, glad she’d opted for her heaviest shift. ‘Aldous. Let us talk in the morning, no?’

‘I gave you everything,’ he continued as if she hadn’t spoken at all. ‘A good life here among royalty, a key to the works of the world’s most brilliant minds. I cared for you and was patient with you, and you respond with violence.’ He reached out to touch her cheek, almost tenderly, but she tipped her chin up, moving out of his reach. His eyes hardened. ‘If it’s violence you seek, it’s violence you’ll get.’

She fought, but he was too strong. When he finally released his grip, she rolled away from him on the bed, curling around the ache at her center. He lay panting for a few minutes, then stood.

‘I’m sorry it’s come to this,’ he said, ‘but you brought it on yourself.’

The door shut, and she heard the scrape of the key in the lock.

...

On the rug in front of the fireplace, Cosima rocked Delphine gently in her arms, too numb to process the story Delphine was telling her. When it hit her later, she knew, she was going to scream.

‘How long did this go on?’ she asked now, throat dry.

‘Almost two years,’ Delphine said. ‘I did not know what to do. He was just so powerful. He controlled all aspects of my life. If I left him, I had nothing.’

‘You were trapped,’ Cosima said. _Two years_. 

‘ _Oui_.’ 

‘But you got out?’ 

Delphine laughed sadly. ‘I got out of the frying pan, as you say.’ She turned to stare into the flames, fingers skimming lightly over the back of Cosima’s hand. ‘But I went into the fire.’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is one interpretation of Delphine's weird relationship with Leekie. It was important to me to show that she actually gave him a chance for a while—and that this fact in no way excuses his later behavior. 
> 
> More reveals in the next chapter!


	9. Freedom

‘Spin around,’ Rachel said.

Delphine turned in a slow circle. 

‘Yes,’ Rachel said, eyes moving over the other woman’s thin frame, ‘I suppose you’ll do.’ She placed a single sheet of paper down on her writing desk. ‘The two of you can speak French to each other.’ 

‘Your Highness,’ Delphine began, but Rachel glared at her and she quickly corrected herself. ‘Your Majesty. May I ask a question?’ 

‘Go on, then,’ Rachel said.

‘What is it exactly that I must do for this... French associate of yours? Only speak?’

Rachel’s eyebrows lifted. ‘Goodness, you’re meant to be clever. Or did Leekie really just bring you here for your...’—her eyes ran over Delphine’s frame again—‘other qualities?’ 

Delphine fought to keep her expression blank.

‘What you’re meant to do,’ said Rachel, ‘is fuck the man.’

Delphine’s heart sank.

‘You make him happy, then I make you happy—with this.’ Rachel pushed the paper toward Delphine. ‘You may approach.’

Moving stiffly, Delphine took a step toward the table to examine the paper.

‘Do the job and I’ll send Aldous Leekie away. You’ll become acting royal librarian and fulfill the librarian’s duties in his absence. You can handle that much, I presume?’ she added sharply.

‘Yes, your Majesty,’ Delphine said.

‘Good. This contract formalizes the arrangement. Sign it and the honorable Lord Leekie will be on his way to Frankfurt within the week.’

‘And if I refuse?' 

‘That is your right,’ Rachel said. ‘But I’m being very generous here, Miss _Cormier_. As future queen of the kingdom that has taken you in, I could simply order you to do this job and you’d leave here even more broken than you are now. Instead I’m offering you a formal arrangement, to our mutual benefit. I’m offering you a choice.’ She set a golden pen down on top of the paper. ‘Choose wisely.’

Delphine picked up the pen. It felt cool and heavy in her hand.

...

‘It was not so hard a choice, I thought,’ Delphine said, leaning forward to rest her arms on her knees. Cosima had gone still behind her. ‘One night and then—’ she held out a hand, palm open. ‘Freedom.

‘But I was wrong.’ She let her hand fall. ‘A month later she summoned me again for another job, another... man. She said she would recall Lord Leekie to his royal duties here at the castle if I did not comply.

‘I tried to protest that this would break our agreement. She only laughed at me. She said she would continue to fulfill her side of the agreement only so long as I continued to fulfill mine. And if I tried to walk away, she would have me sent back to France for indecency. Then where would I go?

‘So I went to this man, and the next one, and the next one.’ Delphine twisted around to meet Cosima’s eyes. ‘Cosima, I am so sorry. I did not want you to find out because I was ashamed. But you had a right to know.’

‘Yeah, I wish you’d told me,’ Cosima said bitterly. ‘Maybe I could have done something before it came to this.’

‘There is nothing you could have done,’ Delphine said. ‘And things are better this way.’

Cosima stiffened. ‘Better? How is being forced into some Draconian sex contract better?’

Delphine flinched, but her voice was firm. ‘Cosima, had I known it would be like this, I would have taken the agreement anyway.’

Turing back to stare into the fire, Delphine said, ‘It is difficult to explain how completely Lord Leekie had taken control of my life. I could not sleep, could not breathe, could not get away until Princess Rachel,’—Cosima snorted, but Delphine continued—‘until I signed this agreement.

‘Now I have my library, my books, my work. My own rooms, and my bed to myself. The sex—’ she swallowed. ‘The sex has not been so often, until recently. The men are not always nice, but they are never cruel. 

‘It is... almost like freedom. You must understand. I am happier now than I have ever been.’

Cosima could barely find words. ‘Delphine,’ she croaked after a moment. ‘This is not happiness. This isn’t freedom!’

Delphine pulled away, turning around to lean back against the foot of the chair and face the other woman. ‘It is different for you,’ she said. ‘Most of us—’ she shook her head. ‘We are not princesses. And the world is unkind to a common woman on her own.’

‘You think I don’t know anything about the world because I’m a princess? ‘Cosima said. ‘There are millions of women who aren’t princesses who also aren’t—’ she gestured helplessly ‘—whatever this is.’    

‘And millions who are,’ Delphine said sharply. ‘In fact it is worse here than in my own kingdom. Here it is, as you say, as common as dirt.’ 

Cosima just stared at her.

Delphine stared back. ‘You do not get to judge me,’ she said softly. ‘It is signing that contract that has allowed me to stay here and be with you.’

‘Okay, that is not even—’ Cosima shook her head, then lapsed into silence.

The tension stretched.

Finally, Cosima raised her hands to her temples, bowing her head. ‘Okay, wow. Gods, Delphine. I’m really sorry. You’ve been through all this shit and I’m just making it worse. I’m just having a hard time processing... I mean, forget about me.’ She reached out to touch Delphine’s arm. ‘We have to fix this. I’ll talk to Rachel, tell her that she can’t keep—’

‘No!’ Delphine sat up. ‘You cannot tell your sister I have told you anything. She will perceive it as a challenge and she will punish us.’

‘You’re damn right it’s a challenge,’ Cosima said. ‘I’ll protect you.’

‘Oh?’ said Delphine, her voice hard. ‘How? When your mother recovers and you have gone off to Minnesota, how will you protect me?’

‘Come with me,’ Cosima said.

For a moment, there was silence.

‘Even if that were possible—what until then?’ Delphine said, but softly this time.

Cosima shook her head. ‘She can’t hurt you while I’m here.’

Delphine raised her hand to her shoulder. ‘You remember the marks you saw on my back? A man, a friend of hers, complained that I was not sufficiently... enthusiastic. This is what she did to me, barely more than a week ago.’

Cosima froze. She remembered the marks. And she remembered other things, too. _Veera screaming. Flames rising. Rachel smiling_.

‘This has to stop,’ Cosima said. ‘ _She_ has to stop.’

Delphine grabbed Cosima’s hands. ‘There is nothing we can do. Fighting her will only make it worse. She is next in line, but acts as if your mother were already dead!' 

Cosima flinched and looked away. 

‘Please, Cosima,’ said Delphine.

_‘Please, Cos, don’t cry. I love you, but she’s too dangerous. I have to go.’_

_‘You don’t have to go. We can fight this, Shay. We can be together!’_

_‘I’m sorry, Cos. Fighting is just not in my nature. It’s not safe here anymore.’_

‘Just let it be,’ said Delphine.

‘I can’t!’ said Cosima. ‘I tried that and apparently it didn’t change anything. I won’t let her hurt someone I care about again.’ 

She pulled away and stood. ‘I guess fighting is just in my nature,’ she said, hands balled into fists. 

‘Cosima, wait—’ Delphine reached out to grab her arm, but Cosima had already disappeared between the shelves. ‘Wait!’

The library door slammed shut. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is late! It's been a busy couple of weeks. 
> 
> This chapter was interesting to write because 1) it's the first time we see Delphine and Rachel alone together and 2) there are so many feels going on in Cosima and Delphine's conversation. 
> 
> Throughout this fic, one of the things I really want to do is stay true to the different ways each of these characters approaches their goals. Cosima goes straight for it in the most heartfelt and sometimes unlikely-to-succeed way possible; Delphine figures the ends justify the means. In other words, Delphine looks at two bad options, grits her teeth, and picks the one most likely to succeed; Cosima looks at two bad options, rejects both, and does something crazy. 
> 
> And then there's Rachel, whose favorite thing seems to be exercising complete control over people without lifting a finger. She looks for ways to elevate herself that will flatten others in the process. In the show she at least has the excuse of a bad upbringing; here she's just evil. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you're enjoying it! I appreciate every single one of your comments and kudos, even if I don't get a chance to respond right away.


	10. Orders

The guards outside the council’s study protested, but Cosima stormed right past them. She was a princess too; they wouldn’t dare touch her. She shoved the door to the study open with more force than was necessary, and it thudded dully off the tapestry-covered wall.

Inside, Rachel looked up from the desk. She was bending over a small, ancient-looking book. Registering the intrusion, she closed the book and dropped it on a stack behind the desk, out of Cosima’s view. She stood calmly, unhurriedly. ‘Cosima. How very bold of you,’ she said. ‘Did our parents not teach you to _knock_?’

‘Give me the contract,’ Cosima said.

‘I beg your pardon.’

‘The contract,’ Cosima said. ‘You know, the one you were bragging about at breakfast.’ She walked up to the desk and planted her palms on it. ‘The one you used to threaten Delphine Cormier with Freaky Leekie and trap her into—’

‘How dare you come here, shouting and demanding.’ Rachel’s eyes tracked to the still-open door and back to Cosima. ‘Have you forgotten which one of us is in line for the crown?’

‘Cut the bullshit, Rachel,’ Cosima said. ‘You’re no queen, you’re a fucking sadist. You ruin everything and everyone.’

‘Please,’ Rachel said, voice low. ‘Don’t blame me if you can’t keep your whorish little girlfriend satisfied.’

Cosima lunged at her.

‘Nobody lays hands on me,’ Rachel gasped. ‘Guards!’

To her surprise, Cosima felt strong hands pulling her gently but firmly away from her twin. ‘Let go of me,’ she said. For a disturbing few seconds, they hesitated, and Cosima felt her stomach drop as it hit her: _They really do see her as queen now._ ‘I said let go!’ she shouted, fear lending her the commanding tone she had intentionally avoided her entire life.

They let go, but didn’t move away.

‘Get out,’ Rachel said.

‘Leave Delphine alone,’ Cosima shot back, but there was fear in her gut, and the guards still surrounded her.

‘I will do as I like,’ Rachel said, not bothering to suppress the note of triumph in her voice, ‘with _my_ subjects.’

The twins stared daggers at each other across the room.

‘Now leave,’ Rachel said, ‘before I have you forcibly removed.’

The guards wouldn’t meet Cosima’s eye. She noticed with a start that each of them was resting a hand close to his weapon. She knew none of their names.

Shaken and hating herself for it, Cosima took a step back. ‘I mean it,’ she said to Rachel. ‘Leave us alone.’

Without waiting for a response, she turned and walked out. 

...

‘I wish you had not done that,’ Delphine said quietly.

Cosima pressed her fingers to her temples. Her expression was hidden, backlit by the crackling fire. ‘I love you, Delphine,’ she said, voice catching in her throat. ‘What else can I do?’

Delphine put her arms around the smaller woman, pulling her closer until their foreheads were just barely touching. ‘ _Ma chérie_ ,’ she said. ‘ _Je t’aime aussi._ ’ 

...

Cosima awoke to the sound of boots on marble. The fire had gone out. Dim yellow light was seeping in through the window. She was lying on the rug in the library, head pillowed on Delphine’s shoulder. The other woman was also awake, eyes wide.

They sat up just as the first guards appeared from between the shelves.

‘What is this?’ Cosima asked, still dazed. _Am I dreaming?_ ‘What’s going on?’

‘My apologies, Highness,’ the guard standing nearest said. He bowed and looked politely away, as if he had intruded on something less innocent than sleeping.

Cosima narrowed her eyes at him, shifting just slightly to put herself in front of Delphine. ‘What is this?’ she said again, more sharply now that she waking up.

‘I beg your forgiveness, Highness,’ the guard said. ‘We did not mean to disturb you. Her Highness Princess Rachel has ordered that the royal library be restricted to family and relevant staff for the time being.’ He gestured at Delphine. ‘She must come with us now.’

‘Relevant staff?’ Cosima stood, fully awake now. ‘Delphine’s the librarian. I’m less _relevant_ here than she is.’

‘I apologize, Highness,’ the guard said. ‘Perhaps you have not heard. Miss Cormier is no longer a librarian here. I must escort her to the servants’ quarters.’

‘You can’t be serious.’

‘I’m afraid I must carry out my orders, Highness.’

Behind Cosima, Delphine stood, face pale. ‘Has Lord Leekie been recalled to the castle?’

The guard shook his head. Delphine let out a breath.

‘Why, then?’ Cosima demanded.

‘It is okay, Cosima,’ Delphine said quietly.

‘No way,’ said Cosima. ‘Not okay, and not happening.’

‘Respectfully, Highness, these orders have come straight from the heir,’ the guard said. ‘I am obliged to fulfill them.’

‘I will go,’ Delphine said, and stepped forward. 

‘No!’ Cosima grabbed her hand. ‘Delphine, don’t. Don’t go.’ She turned back to the guard. ‘Did the _heir_ give a reason for this?’ she asked again.

‘No, your Highness,’ said the guard. ‘It was not my place to ask.’

Cosima felt Delphine’s hand tighten in hers, and then let go. Head high, Delphine walked toward the door.

The guards followed.

Cosima was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, things aren't going great for our favorite couple. But—two chapters this week! 
> 
> Side note: _Lost Girl_ fans might be interested to know that the last scene was inspired by that time Lachlan came to take Lauren back to the lab and Bo was having none of it. That goofy show was a mess but it will always have a place in my heart.


	11. Beasts

First Cosima tried reasoning with Rachel: ‘We have no librarian, and you have one of the greatest scholars in the kingdom scrubbing floors!’ But Rachel’s indifference made Cosima want to shout, and Delphine was right; yelling had only made things worse. 

Next, Cosima swallowed her pride and tried begging. 

‘I get that you’re angry at me,’ Cosima said to Rachel at another tense breakfast. ‘And that’s fine, I apologize, whatever. But please leave Delphine out of it.’

‘My dear sister,’ Rachel said, ‘I’ve done you both a favor. Did you really think your illicit romance was going to go anywhere?’

‘That’s not what this is about,’ said Cosima, willing herself to stay calm.

‘Oh, isn’t it? You’re upset that I’ve exposed your _ingénue_ for the _putain_ she is. You should be thanking me for sparing you the heartbreak. Now you’ll be free to run off to Minnesota or whatever dirt patch of a village you want to call home next, and _she’ll_ be where she belongs: toiling among filth.’ 

Cosima gaped at her. Finally she said, ‘Why do you hate her so much?’

‘Don’t be silly,’ said Rachel. ‘This isn’t hatred. It’s reality.’

... 

Cosima barely saw Delphine now. They sought each other out when they could, but Delphine’s workload kept her busy most of the time. Delphine tried to put a good face on it, but Cosima could see that the other woman was on edge and near exhaustion. She was thinner and paler than ever, and she jumped at every sound, as if Rachel might appear from around the corner at any moment.

‘Does it... does it bother you that I look like her?’ Cosima asked one night, head on Delphine’s shoulder in a rare quiet moment. ‘I could, I don’t know, color my hair or something?’

Delphine stroked her hair, tracing the braids with her fingers. ‘You look nothing like her, _mon chéri_ ,’ she said. ‘When I am with you, I see only you.’

‘We’ll leave,’ Cosima promised her. ‘My mother won’t stand for this. As soon as she recovers, we’ll leave together. Forget Rachel and Leekie and all of this.’ 

Delphine nodded, but Cosima could tell it wasn’t enough. _Of course it’s not enough._

...

‘I cannot stay long,' Delphine said the next night. ‘She has ordered me not to see you. Every second I am here is in direct violation of a royal command.’

‘She’s having me followed,’ said Cosima. ‘She played it off as a safety precaution against attacks on the royal family while our mother's sick, but—’

‘—she is watching us,’ Delphine finished.

Cosima nodded miserably.

‘Then I had better go,’ Delphine said quietly.

They risked an extra few seconds to embrace. Then Delphine was gone, and Cosima stood alone, listening to the approaching sound of booted footsteps. _We can’t go on like this_ , she thought. _We need a plan._

...

It had been years since Cosima had last visited the guards’ rec room. She had had friends on the guard when she was younger, but they all seemed to have left in the five years she’d been gone— _or perhaps Rachel replaced them_ , she thought darkly.

Since her return to the castle, she hadn’t recognized a single face on the guard, or the staff, for that matter. Her discomfort with being treated like a princess had made her hesitant to get to know any of the new people; she hadn’t originally intended to stay long, and it was so much easier to hole up in the library with Delphine and pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist.

Now she was paying for it. Rachel had her surrounded, and she didn’t have a single ally to turn to.

 _That ends today_ , Cosima thought firmly. _There have to be some good ones here_.

She pushed the rec room door open and slipped inside.

...

‘My great worm uses its plague breath and your lame force guardian takes two damage,’ said a gleeful voice from the corner of the rec room. ‘And boom! Hello special, goodbye force guardian. I win the battle.’

The owner of the voice was sitting with two other men at a table covered with an intricate spread of tiles, cards, and roughly-carved wooden figures.

‘Whoa, dream on,’ protested the second man. ‘Your worm can't use a special ability twice.’

‘And Mad Kathos slays before you ever plague-breath!’ said the third. 

‘Mm, nuh-uh, sorry.’ 

The three men looked up, surprised at the intrusion. ‘Wow,’ said the one who had first spoken. Then his eyes widened in horror. ‘Uh, I mean—’ he jumped up to stand at attention. ‘Your Highness! Forgive us, we, uh, weren’t expecting you.’

One of the other two men gasped and they both jumped up as well.

Cosima waved a hand dismissively. ‘Are you on duty?’

Nervously, the first man shook his head.

‘Then play on,’ said Cosima. ‘Only, Mad Kathos's abilities only work in battles he's in. So, you...’

She paused, looking at the first man. He blinked. ‘Smith, your Highness. Scott Smith.’

‘Scott.’ She smiled. ‘Call me Cosima.’ Turning to the others, she continued, ‘So Scott gets the damage. He doesn't draw again, but who cares because the guardian is toast. And—’ She picked up two of the carved figures and moved them to a different tile. ‘These beastmen go here.’

She surveyed the board, making sure she had covered everything. 

The men stared. ‘Do you, like, want to play?’ the one who had gasped said after a moment.

Cosima surprised herself by cracking a genuine grin. ‘I don't know if you're ready for that,’ she said. She grabbed an empty chair and despite her fear for Delphine, her anger at Rachel, her worry for her mother—she felt lighter than she had in days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to my fellow nerds!
> 
> More serious side note: Careful readers will note that this is the second time Cosima is described as having braids. I realize her hair is sort of her trademark and I love it but at the same time I'd like to think her character would be not so into cultural appropriation. Sadly I feel like OB did great things for women and the LGBT community but not so much for people of color. Anyway, this is my story so I get to make the rules ;)


	12. Summons

_One week later_

...

Delphine received the summons just as she was finishing her meager dinner. With the familiar numbness already beginning to set in, she carefully set down the slice of bread she’d been eating and stood.

She picked up her plate, meaning to take it to the kitchen, but the man who’d been sent to fetch her frowned. ‘You are to attend _immediately_ ,’ he said. Delphine nodded and put the plate down.

Much too soon, she found herself standing in a small room at the back of Rachel’s suite. The room was familiar. Delphine hid her shudder.

‘Well?’ said the voice behind her, so like Cosima’s but with none of Cosima’s warmth. ‘What did I tell you?’

‘You have told me many things,’ Delphine said to the wall in front of her. ‘To which are you referring?’

The lash caught her on the shoulder. She flinched, but made no sound.

‘Don’t play games with me. You’ll lose,’ Rachel said, moving around to face Delphine. The whip hung down at her side, cords swaying. Delphine couldn’t help but look. She dragged her gaze back up to meet Rachel’s eyes, hating the satisfaction she saw there.

‘You were seen,’ Rachel said, ‘with my insipid sister. I told you to stay away from her.’

Delphine lifted her chin. ‘I am afraid your witness was mistaken,’ she said.

‘Oh?’ Rachel raised an eyebrow. ‘Lying, how interesting.’ She circled behind Delphine again. ‘Could it be,’ said Rachel softly, ‘that you have finally grown a spine after all this time?’

The lash whipped out again, and Delphine bit her lip to keep from crying out.

‘Let’s have a look,’ Rachel said. ‘Remove your tunic.’

Delphine hesitated, watching her. 

‘ _Now_ , Miss Cormier,’ Rachel hissed.

Slowly she complied, dropping the garment to the floor and shivering in the cold air. The band she wore underneath was very thin, though at the moment she was grateful for even that slight covering. She remembered Rachel telling her on her first summons that the room was intentionally kept cold to _quicken the blood_.

She pushed the memory away.

‘I see your new occupation is taking a toll,’ Rachel said. Delphine could feel her gaze on her skin. ‘You must remember to eat properly. I don’t want your next _client_  complaining to me that you passed out before you could complete the job.’

Delphine said nothing.

Rachel had come closer, her breath warm on the back of Delphine’s neck. With one finger she traced the scars running across Delphine’s back, pressing down as she went. ‘Did you tell her I made these?’ she asked quietly.

‘No,’ Delphine said quickly. ‘Of course not.’

‘You’re lying again,’ Rachel said, and stepped around to face her. ‘What a shame. It was supposed to be our little secret.’

‘However,’ she continued, eyes hardening, ‘perhaps now she understands to whom you belong.’

‘I do not belong to you,’ Delphine said, fighting to keep the anger and fear out of her voice. ‘Or to her.’

Rachel slapped her. Surprised, Delphine couldn’t suppress her gasp this time.

‘I thought your demotion would teach you a lesson, but it seems you have become impertinent. Pity,’ Rachel said, lips nearly touching Delphine’s ear. ‘I liked you better when you were cowering.’ She waited a moment, but Delphine bit her lip and made no reply. 

‘This kingdom belongs to me, as does everyone in it,’ Rachel said, finally stepping away. ‘Now. Brace yourself.’

Delphine walked slowly to the wall and placed her hands against it. The stone was smooth and cold beneath her palms.

‘This is your last warning,’ Rachel said. ‘Stay away from Cosima. I hope for your sake, Miss Cormier, that I don’t have to tell you again.’

The lash ripped across Delphine’s unprotected back, laying fresh welts across her old scars. Delphine yelped and pressed into the wall, as if she could transfer some of its coolness to the fire on her back. _Sum, es, est_ , she thought, forcing herself to concentrate on nothing but the words. _Sumus, estis—_

The lash fell.

_Sunt. Eram, eras, erat. Erâmus—_

And fell.

_Erâmus. Erâtis. Erant._

_Erô..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Rachel is pretty awful. But there are two chapters again this week.


	13. Wounds

_It is foolish and selfish but I need to see you. She cannot find out._

Scott looked around nervously as Cosima read the note and then hastily refolded it. ‘Did she say anything else?’ Cosima asked, careful to keep her voice neutral.

‘No, but Painmaker said—I mean, Allen said that she was...’

Cosima looked up sharply. ‘Was what?’

Scott rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. ‘Not well?’

Cosima looked down at the note, then unfolded it again and flattened it against a nearby wall. ‘Got a pen?’

Scott pulled one out of his belt and handed it to her. Cosima scratched out Delphine’s message and began to write. To Scott she said, ‘If you can pull this stuff together for me by tonight, I’ll give you my Aurigonee card.’

‘Deal.’

‘But you can’t draw anyone’s attention.’

‘Don’t worry,’ Scott said solemnly. ‘Not drawing attention is my specialty.’

...

‘Hold still,’ Cosima said softly. ‘Just one more, okay?’ She dabbed the salve on the last of the slashes that crisscrossed Delphine’s back. The reassurance was more for herself than her patient; Delphine had barely made a sound. 

They were holed up in the small room off the kitchen. For the first time in over ten years, it was no longer bare. With Scott and Painmaker’s help, Cosima had managed to smuggle in several warm blankets, a few candles, and basic medical supplies from her own travel kit. She hadn’t wanted to believe that Delphine might be hurt, but the healer in her had encountered enough people in bad situations to recognize their own.

 _Yeah, I’m great at cleaning up after violence_ , Cosima thought darkly. _Just useless at stopping it._

‘I should not have come,’ Delphine said, but without conviction. ‘I am putting us both in danger.’ She was kneeling on one of the blankets, turned away from the candlelight.

‘Shhh.’ Cosima said, gently laying a bandage over the wound. ‘If I’m going to get you hurt, I’m sure as hell going to take care of you afterward.’

‘It is not your fault,’ Delphine said. ‘Or at least, it is mine too.’

Cosima secured the bandage in place and sat back. Delphine shivered, and winced.

‘Here.’ Cosima picked up another blanket and wrapped it loosely around Delphine’s shoulders, careful not to brush the bandages. ‘Last thing you need is to catch a chill on top of all this.’

Despite the pain, Delphine smiled softly. The candles flickered gently around them.

...

Some time later, Cosima bolted upright.

‘What is it?’ Delphine whispered.

‘Boots. In the corridor.’ 

They waited in tense silence.

The footsteps stopped outside the door. The latch lifted, and Cosima got quietly to her feet.

Then the latch fell, and the knock came. One tap, then two, then one.

Cosima sighed in relief. ‘It’s okay,’ she said to Delphine, and opened the door.

It was another of Scott’s friends, the one called Doomsday. ‘Hey,’ he said, voice low but urgent. ‘I’m really sorry to disturb you but it’s—it’s the queen.’

Cosima’s heart skipped a beat. ‘What’s happened?’

‘She’s—I’m sorry, they think she’s dying.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They just can't catch a break. 
> 
> Speaking of, it's been kind of a rough week, but I hope you guys are still with me and enjoying this fic!


	14. Hush

Cosima was hesitant to leave Delphine alone, but Delphine insisted. ‘She is your mother. Of course you must go.’

‘Sure you’ll be okay?’

Delphine smiled tiredly, features shadowed by the dim light. ‘You have taken good care of me, and Scott is here if something comes up.’ Behind her, Scott nodded seriously. He’d arrived shortly after Doomsday. ‘I will be fine. Go.’

Cosima touched Delphine’s shoulder gently, gratefully. Then she ran.

...

The queen’s hands were cold. Her skin was pale, almost gray, and her breathing was shallow.

‘She’s been swaying between unconsciousness and delirium since early this afternoon,’ the healer whispered. ‘We’re doing everything we can, but she hasn’t responded to any of our treatments. The signs are not good. I’m very sorry.’

Cosima opened her mouth to ask what they’d tried, but Rachel cut her off. ‘Thank you, doctor. We’ll call you if anything changes.’

The healer raised her eyebrows slightly, but bowed and turned to leave.

‘Wait!’ said Cosima. ‘Please stay. She may need you. We may need you.’

The healer hesitated, looking at Rachel.

‘Stay,’ Cosima said, then added, ‘Please.’

Rachel clenched her jaw but made no protest. The healer nodded and moved to check the queen’s pulse again. The twins sat on either side of their mother’s bed, watching, waiting in silence.

...

A hushed air fell over the castle, its inhabitants tiptoeing through the halls and whispering at their tables. Now and then, laughter or a heated conversation would rise above the murmur, only to snuff itself out with self-conscious abruptness.

The elder princess periodically emerged from the sickroom to tend to the kingdom’s business. Since the queen had fallen ill and the princess had stepped in, she had acquired a reputation for making practical yet brutal decisions, a style of rule that some lauded and some feared but all had felt was temporary; the queen would recover and take the throne once more. Now, with the queen rumored to be on her death bed, the princess’s reign was becoming reality.

It was also becoming increasingly harsh and unpredictable. With her mother’s death seemingly imminent, the princess appeared to be eschewing all precedent, establishing a new and merciless standard for the kingdom. Some said it was grief; others, the start of an era.

‘She’s already going by _Majesty_ ,’ an elderly washerwoman told Delphine, ‘so make sure you use it if you happen to see her.’

Delphine only nodded. 

‘As for the younger princess,’ the woman continued, ‘I hear she hasn’t left her mama’s side since she went down. Near a week that girl’s been in there, trying to help, I expect. She’s a healer herself, you know.’

‘Oh?’ 

‘Yes ma’am,’ the woman said, and there was pride in her voice. ‘A lot of folks don’t like it, a member of the line digging ’round in the dirt, pounding herbs, what have you. But the queen always said there’s great honor in serving other folk, whatever way you serve them. Seems to me saving lives is a pretty admirable service.’

‘Yes,’ Delphine said quietly. ‘Very admirable.’

...

Delphine, who couldn’t help but hear of the elder princess’s volatile moods and increasing brutishness, was unsurprised when the next summons came, though barely a week had passed since the last one. 

But it was immediately apparent that something was different this time. Instead of interrupting her dinner or forcing her to delay an evening’s work, this summons came in the form of a knock at her door, well past midnight.

Groggy, she covered her thin shift with an old robe and smoothed her curls to something approaching presentable before slowly cracking open the door. 

‘You are to attend her Majesty Princess Rachel at once,’ the man outside said stiffly. ‘Come with me.’

Delphine took a moment to control her breathing. _In, out._ ‘So late?’

‘At once,’ the man said again.

‘I must dress.’ Delphine began to close the door again, but the man curled his fingers around the wood, stopping her. ‘At once,’ he said again.

Delphine stared at him in the dim light, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes. ‘Fine,’ she said, and stepped into the corridor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to come to a head! This should be the last sort of 'time passing' chapter until the end.
> 
> Meanwhile, this story has passed 2000 hits and reached almost a hundred kudos, and I could not be more grateful for all of your support and enthusiasm <3


	15. Glass

Rachel’s rooms were filled with a rich scent—red wine and something else, something earthier. Herbal. It was a familiar scent made unsettling by the context; Delphine had come to associate that scent with Cosima.

_‘I’m gonna get you so baked one day,’ Cosima laughed. Her brown eyes crinkled. Delphine shook her head but couldn’t stop herself from smiling._

‘Delphine.’

Delphine pushed the memory down as Rachel emerged from another room, holding a wine glass. Her eyes were glassy and dilated, her usually-perfect bob mussed. She was still dressed from the day and her clothes were pristine as usual, but the top buttons of her expensive blouse were undone.

Delphine watched her approach. She had never seen Rachel intoxicated before, not even on feast days. 

She had never heard Rachel use her first name, either.

‘You wanted to see me?’ she said. 

‘Yes,’ Rachel said, moving to a small table in the corner that held, Delphine now saw, an open bottle and a tray of crystal glasses. ‘Would you like a drink?’

‘Thank you, no.’

Rachel ignored her, pouring a glass and setting the bottle down with a thud. Without turning around, she extended the glass to Delphine. ‘Have one,’ she said. 

Delphine walked slowly across the room and took the glass.

As she started to pull away, Rachel grabbed her wrist. The wine in Delphine’s glass sloshed, coming dangerously close to spilling onto the white rug, and Delphine froze. Rachel stepped toward her, bringing them only inches apart. 

‘Look at me,’ Rachel said, voice low, waiting for Delphine to comply.

‘I look like her, don’t I?’ Rachel said.

‘Excuse me?’

The fingers curled around Delphine’s wrist tightened. Brown eyes, so like Cosima’s yet so unlike them, raked down her body and back up to meet her own. ‘Tell me,’ Rachel said, ‘do you see me when she touches you?’

The room was silent but for their combined breathing.

‘Come now,’ said Rachel. ‘Things will be very different soon. We could be friends, you and I.’

‘I assume,’ Delphine said after a moment, almost succeeding at keeping her voice steady, ‘that you called me here either to send me to a client, or because you are angry with me.’ She met Rachel’s gaze, eyebrows raised. ‘Shall we go to the back room?’

Rachel let go of her wrist, but didn’t move away. ‘Drink,’ she said.

After a moment, Delphine took a small sip, acutely aware of Rachel’s eyes on her throat.

‘I prefer to stay here,’ Rachel continued. ‘I think you’ll find it more... comfortable.’

Delphine opened her mouth to reply, but suddenly Rachel’s lips were on hers.

It was a bruising kiss, an attack. Rachel’s hands wrapped around her neck. Delphine instinctively lurched backward.

The glass flew out of her hand, shattering against the table. Red wine and shards of crystal sprayed across the room. Rachel turned her head, distracted.

‘I am sorry!’ Delphine exclaimed, using the opportunity to pull from Rachel’s grasp and fall to the rug. She began to collect the bits of crystal, putting more distance between herself and the princess as she went.

‘Leave it,’ Rachel said.

‘I will fetch someone to clean this,’ Delphine said, standing to move towards the door.

‘I said leave it!’ Rachel shouted.

Delphine stopped, still facing the door.

‘You may act the naïve fool with my sister, but never with me,’ Rachel said harshly. ‘You let her use you to play out her ridiculous romantic fantasies. She’s no different than all the others who’ve used you for the same purpose. You think she’s _special_? I think you just like to be used.’

Delphine turned, face flushed but gaze steady. ‘I love Cosima,’ she said. ‘When I look at her, that is what I see.’

Rachel tried to stare her down, but Delphine refused to look away.

After a moment, Rachel unsteadily raised the glass she still held to the flickering light of the lamps, as if considering it. Then she drained it, setting it down on the tray beside her. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘let’s see about that.’

She strode across the room, grinding crystal into the carpet under her boots as she went, and opened a wooden trunk by the wall.

Delphine closed her eyes as Rachel lifted the whip out of the trunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course Rachel drinks red wine over a white rug.


	16. Eclipse

‘Tell me about Cosima, then,’ Rachel said. ‘A sweet little _happy memory_.’ She tapped the whip handle against her thigh. ‘Tell me about you and her.’

Delphine was silent.

‘The strength of your sentiment is astonishing,’ Rachel drawled. She paced around Delphine, still tapping thoughtfully. ‘Here’s one: you and my sister sneaking up to the lookout, watching the sunrise.’ She paused, studying Delphine’s expression. ‘How romantic.’ 

When Delphine said nothing, she continued pacing. ‘She tells you about going up there as a child. You take her hand. Then what?’

_‘Cheeky girl!’_

_Cosima dodged Delphine’s playful slap. ‘You’ll have to be faster than that!’_

_Without a word, Delphine tugged Cosima back to her and kissed her._

Delphine remained silent, but her breath caught. _She was watching us, even then_.

‘Take off your robe,’ Rachel said. 

It was harder to do it here, in the middle of Rachel’s richly furnished suite, than it had ever been in the ice-cold back room. There she felt like so much meat awaiting the butcher’s knife, resigned to a fate that was cruel but impersonal. Those in power abused those without; it had always been so, at least in her experience.

Until she met Cosima.

_When the last streaks of yellow had faded into clear blue sky, Delphine squeezed Cosima’s hand._

_‘You know what? I could kill for some ice cream,’ Delphine said._

_‘Okay,’ Cosima said. ‘Your wish is my command!’_

_Delphine laughed. ‘Surely your command has more important things to accomplish.’_

_Cosima only grinned. ‘I'd say your happiness is pretty important, Cormier.’_

‘Now, Miss Cormier,’ Rachel snapped.

It was harder to do it here because the setting made it personal. Intimate.

Rachel knew that, and Delphine knew that she knew it.

Delphine slipped out of the robe and set it on the floor by her feet.

‘Unbutton the shift,’ Rachel said.

‘I am not… dressed,’ Delphine replied. As she had already gone to bed before the guard's knock came, she wore nothing under the shift that served as her nightgown.

Rachel raised one prim eyebrow. ‘Did that sound like a request?’

Slowly, Delphine unbuttoned her shift. _You’ve done this with men in the past_ , she told herself. _This is no different_. But it was. To those men, as well, she was so much meat, a warm body, a familiar comfort in an unfamiliar place. A transaction. None of them ever even knew her name. She had made sure of it.

What was she to Rachel?

_‘My happiness? You make me happy, Cosima.’_

_‘Aw, yeah?’_

_‘Yes.’_

_‘Well, you make me happy, too.’_

Too soon she reached the last button. The edge of the fabric slipped through her fingers and cool air wrapped around her unprotected skin. She took one moment to steady herself, and then met Rachel’s gaze, face impassive.

She wished that scent didn’t remind her so much of Cosima.

_‘But I'm still going to get us some Eskimo Pies.’_

_‘Eskimo?’_

_‘Yeah!’_

_‘I don't think I know it.’_

‘What do you think Cosima sees when she looks at you?’ Rachel asked, eyes tracing Delphine’s thin frame. ‘Your body, obviously. Perhaps your mind. But there must be something else.’

‘I do not know what you mean,’ Delphine said.

_‘No?’_

_‘No.’_  

‘What makes you so desirable? What makes her so… _loveable_?’ Rachel spit the last word like a curse.

_‘Prepare yourself. You're about to become a craven addict.’_

Stepping closer, Rachel grabbed a fistful of Delphine’s hair, pulling her head back. ‘Answer me.’ The cords of the whip brushed against Delphine’s thigh.

‘You were nothing when Leekie found you,’ Rachel hissed. ‘Answer me or you’ll be nothing again.’ 

Delphine gasped, fighting the pain in her scalp.

 _‘I think I already am.’_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update this week! Surprisingly, as this was a tricky chapter to write—I think I rewrote it more times than any previous chapter.


	17. Ice

‘For one thing,’ Delphine said, voice strained, ‘Cosima is gentle.’

She closed her eyes, waiting for the lash. Instead, she jumped as something hit the floor and Rachel’s free hand closed around her exposed neck.

Rachel’s thumb ran lightly over her throat, then pressed down. Delphine choked. She held her breath, trying not to move her head and make the pain in her scalp worse.

Her head pounded. She held perfectly still.

Abruptly, Rachel let her go. Glancing up through the curls that had tumbled forward upon release, Delphine couldn’t interpret the expression on Rachel’s face.

Rachel picked up the discarded robe and threw it at Delphine. Delphine caught it by reflex, then froze, waiting for the catch.

‘Put it on if you want,’ Rachel said, tone suddenly casual. She turned her back to Delphine, walking to the table in the corner to pour a fresh glass of wine. The whip, Delphine saw now, had been discarded on the floor.  

Rachel replaced the bottle and flipped idly through a book that sat on a nearby shelf, as if she had forgotten Delphine entirely.

Delphine turned cautiously away and pulled the robe on, redoing the buttons of her shift as quickly as her fingers could manage. She fought a rising sense of hope that this would be over soon. _Stay wary._

When she turned back, Rachel was standing in front of her, holding the glass out.

‘One drink and you may go,’ Rachel said. ‘Or we can continue these... pleasantries.’

Delphine’s gaze flew back to the whip. She could feel the ghost of Rachel’s fingers on her throat. Reluctantly, she took the glass.

‘Well?’ said Rachel.

Resisting the urge to throw its contents into the woman’s face, Delphine raised the glass and took a small sip.

‘Finish it,’ said Rachel. And smiled.

...

Harsh moving light and deep, soft warmth surrounded Delphine. Her limbs felt heavy. Was she underwater? She moaned.

‘Shhh,’ said a voice next to her. It was familiar and unfamiliar at once. She turned her head, seeking a face, but she couldn’t seem to focus on a single point.

_‘Qu'est-ce qu'il se passe…?’_

‘ _Ne t’inquiète pas_ ,’ the voice said. ‘Everything is all right.’

Delphine shivered despite the warmth, finally placing the voice. ‘Rachel? What…’ Her tongue felt too thick for her mouth. ‘What did you do to me?’

‘Hush now,’ the voice said, and then whispered in her ear: ‘You see, I can be gentle too.’

Light fingers drew paths along her feverish skin, a cold trail cutting through the uncomfortable heat. It felt terrible. It felt… good. 

‘ _Non…_ ’ Delphine tried to shove the hand away but it captured her wrist easily, pinning her down.  

‘Shh.’

Another hand ran along her burning torso. Was her shift open again? It trailed over her hips, down. 

‘I can make you feel things,’ said the voice, ‘that you’ve never felt before.’ 

Then she was being smothered, every part of her too-warm skin touching something that pressed down on her.

She gasped as the icy touch found the warmest part of her. She heard a moan, but she couldn’t tell if it was hers.

 _Sum,_ she thought desperately, hazily. _Es—_

‘I can give you so much more than she can,’ Rachel said, voice so close it felt like she was inside Delphine’s head.

‘You,’ Delphine breathed, fighting the fog that closed in around her, ‘You are… not worth… ten of her.’

_Es. Est…_

She choked as the hand holding her wrist moved abruptly to her throat. Her vision was fuzzy and dark, her skin freezing and burning. Her insides throbbed and threatened to turn inside out all at once. She fought for consciousness as she welcomed oblivion.

 _Est…_

_Est..._

Oblivion welcomed her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...


	18. Night

Cosima awoke to the sound of insistent knocking on her bedchamber door. ‘Wha?’ she raised herself up on her elbows, still groggy. She had only just gone to sleep, at the healers’ insistence, after another long day at her mother’s side. ‘Who is it?’

‘It’s Scott,’ came the muffled reply. ‘I’m really sorry to disturb you but I think it’s, uh, urgent.’

Concerned, Cosima slid out of bed and padded to the door in her nightclothes. She opened it with one hand, the other braced on her hip. ‘Is it my mother?’

Scott blinked, clearly unnerved by her lack of formal attire. ‘No, the queen is fine—I mean, as fine as she can be, given, uh… Sorry, that was—’

‘Scott.’

‘Sorry. It’s Delphine.’

…

‘Delphine?’ Cosima knocked softly on the door.

No answer. She exchanged a worried look with Scott and knocked again.

‘Hey, it’s me.’

Silence. Then, as she was about to knock harder, she heard very faintly: ‘Go away, Cosima.’

Satisfied that Delphine was at least conscious, Cosima turned to Scott. _Thank you_ , she mouthed. He nodded and left them alone, returning to his post.

‘Delphine.’ Cosima placed her palm against the wooden door. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Please leave me alone.’

Cosima rested her forehead against the wood, struggling to decide what to do on so little sleep. Something was clearly very wrong, but the last thing Delphine needed was another person ignoring her wishes for the sake of their own.

‘Okay, I won’t come in,’ Cosima said. ‘Just tell me you’re okay, and I’ll leave.’

Another silence, and then footsteps from inside. Cosima stepped back as the door slowly opened. Delphine stood clutching her robe, her hair a mess, her eyes glassy.

‘ _Je ne me sens pas bien,_ ’ she whispered. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone okay?


	19. Warmth

_She awakes half-smothered by heavy, fine cloth. Her skin is burning, or maybe freezing. She struggles to move her limbs, hampered equally by blanket and delirium. The sound of deep breathing slowly makes its way into her consciousness. Equally slowly, she realizes it’s not her own. She moves with more urgency but also more caution._

_She tips herself out of the bed onto a soft floor, and winces. Dull pain shoots up from below—and something else. She feels a sudden urge to wretch—but no, not here. She breathes, free of the heavy cloth, still too warm and yet shivering. She folds her arms protectively across her stomach. Her skin is fully exposed to the air now. It’s a problem to solve._

_Clothes. That is her first goal._

_She tiptoes out of the bedroom, relieved to finding a heavy curtain at its entrance instead of a locked door. She scans the main room, aided by a single dim candle still burning. There. She limps over, holding onto a wall shelf for support as she lowers herself just enough to grab her robe, ignoring another spike of pain. As she stands, she notices the cover of the book lying on the shelf, the one Rachel was flipping through earlier. It’s a Yral book, one she hasn’t seen before._

_She slips it under her robe and ties the sash extra tight. The leather is startling against her skin._

_The door moves slowly but does not creak. She is grateful. Two guards posted outside stare right past her. For this she is also grateful._

_The journey back to her rooms seems to take years. She passes few others at this hour, and looks at none. She does not notice Scott when he smiles worriedly at her._

_Inside her bedroom, she locks her door. She drops the book in a corner where she doesn’t have to look at it. She puts on another shift, then her robe, then another blanket, coarse and warm. Too warm, not warm enough. She sheds the blanket, pulls it back around her. She picks up the pitcher of water she used to wash up earlier that night, which seems like ages ago. Puts it down again, sinks to her bed. She is exhausted yet restless, still and uncomfortable. Oblivion beckons again—she wants it and doesn’t want it. She stares into the darkness for hours, or maybe minutes—until she hears a knock on the chamber door._

… 

‘She won’t get away with this,’ Cosima said bitterly. Angry tears fell to the blanket wrapped around Delphine, but she refused to let go of the shivering woman for even a second to wipe her eyes. She rocked Delphine slowly, all the energy of her fury compressed into this gentle, smooth motion. She wanted so badly to storm into Rachel’s rooms and drag her out, expose her for the monster she was. She wanted to shout, to hit something. For Delphine’s sake, she sat and rocked.

‘It is still there,’ Delphine whispered. ‘I can feel it inside me. _Je me sens_ …’ She shivered again, even as she sweated. Her breathing was ragged.

‘We’ll… we’ll go to the council,’ Cosima continued. ‘First thing tomorrow. Or the Captain of the Guard, or…’

‘ _Pourquoi est-ce que je ressens cela_?’ Delphine whispered.

‘Tell me how I can help,’ Cosima said, ‘and I’ll do it. Anything.’

Delphine’s eyes finally focused on her. With uneven movements, she unwrapped her white-knuckled fingers from the edges of the blanket and let it fall.

Cosima reached for the blanket again, about to protest, but Delphine put her hands on Cosima’s arms. They were warmer than Cosima expected.

‘Cosima,’ Delphine said, ‘let us please…’ 

‘What is it? What can I do?’ 

Instead of answering, Delphine shrugged out of her robe. Cosima only watched, uncomprehending, until Delphine began to unbutton her shift.

‘Hey, whoa whoa whoa. What are you doing?’ Cosima gripped Delphine’s hands, trying to stop their journey downward.

‘It is still in me, Cosima,’ Delphine said, voice hollow. ‘It is… unquiet. It wants peace.’ She buried her head in Cosima’s neck, trapping their hands between them. ‘You are the only peace I know.’

Cosima bit her lip. _You cannot lose it right now._  

‘I know you want to,’ Delphine whispered. ‘ _Ma chérie_ please, you can…’

‘This—you’re not—’ Cosima went rigid, afraid to stay close yet unwilling to let go. ‘I don’t want—I mean, I don’t want this.’

She felt Delphine sag. Her hands in Cosima’s went limp. ‘Of course,’ Delphine said, barely audible. ‘I am sorry. You are a princess, and I am… you would say… used goods.’ 

‘Gods, Delphine—’ A thousand things Cosima wanted to say rushed through her brain and crashed on her tongue, leaving her speechless for a moment. ‘Never say that,’ she said finally, voice cracking. ‘Never _believe_ that. Delphine, I—’ she dropped Delphine’s hands to cup her face, to look into her eyes. ‘I love you so much. Okay? _Je—Je t’aime_.’

Delphine looked back at her. Encouraged, Cosima continued. ‘I love you, and I want to be with you on your terms—your _real_ terms, not whatever sick drug Rachel—’ she swallowed. _Can’t go there right now_. ‘I want to be with you,’ she said again. ‘But first you need to be... _you_.’

Delphine said nothing. _I’ve only made it worse_ , Cosima thought.

‘Then stay with me,’ Delphine said quietly.

‘Of course,’ said Cosima, relieved. ‘Always.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is late! Things have gotten a little crazy, and I may not be able to post as regularly as I was. But I promise I won't abandon these two.


	20. Heat

* * *

Something soft brushed Cosima’s cheek. She blinked awake to the barest hint of pre-dawn light, a blue-gray tinge to the darkness. It felt heavy, but she wasn’t sure why. It was beautiful.

Then she remembered.

In a surge of renewed anger and anxiety she turned to the woman lying next to her. Delphine was awake, she realized, as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. She lay on her side, facing Cosima, curls spilling across the pillow. She was holding her hand out. It was her fingers that had touched Cosima’s face. 

‘Delphine?’ she whispered. ‘Are you okay?’

Immediately she rebuked herself. _Of course she’s not okay_.

‘It is gone, I think.’ Delphine said.

‘Gone? You mean… you feel…’

‘Myself again. Yes.’ Her voice was quiet, but calm again. ‘I think I am… me.’

Cosima’s hand hovered over Delphine’s shoulder, caught between wanting to pull her close and give her space. Delphine took it and brought it to her lips, laying a gentle kiss on Cosima’s palm.

‘Cosima,’ she said. ‘Can we do it now?’

‘Can we… oh.’ Cosima blinked again. Her shock punctured her anger, left her floating. ‘Really? I mean… as a healer, I don’t think, uh…’

‘I do not want a healer. Just you.’

Cosima was lost for words. ‘Are you sure? After…’ 

‘I am afraid.’

‘Okay yeah, that’s totally normal. There’s no rush, really, I’m just glad that—’

‘Cosima,’ Delphine said, ‘If we do not do this now, I am not sure I will ever be able to love again.’

Cosima fell silent.

‘If that happens,’ Delphine said, ‘Rachel wins. She… she made me feel things, false things, that I…’

She bit her lip. 

Instead of finishing the sentence, she gently pulled Cosima’s hand to her face, cradling the palm she’d kissed against her cheek. ‘Please, _ma chérie_ ,’ she whispered. ‘With you it will be different. Let me erase her with you.’

…

‘Should I lie back?’ Delphine asked.

‘If you like,’ Cosima said. ‘But there are other options, too.’

‘What other options?’

Cosima, curled on her side, still not convinced this was really happening, smiled softly and held out her arm. ‘Come here.’

When Delphine had settled against her, her back against Cosima’s chest, Cosima wrapped an arm around her, propping herself up with her other elbow to see Delphine’s face. ‘Is this okay?’

‘Yes.’

‘If anything is not okay or becomes even questionably okay, I want you to tell me.’

‘I will.’

‘And let’s go slow, okay?’

‘Okay.’

…

Cosima’s hand curled around Delphine’s thigh, her fingers dancing in light circles across heated skin. She kissed Delphine’s ear, her cheek, her neck. Her fingers dipped, eliciting a soft gasp. Instantly stilling, she brought her head up and leaned over to see Delphine’s face. ‘Delphine?’

‘Yes,’ Delphine said breathlessly. ‘Yes.’ She raised her head to bring their lips together.

Cosima’s fingers dipped again. Delphine turned toward her, granting her better access, weaving her fingers into Cosima’s hair as they moved together in the soft light. 

'It feels so...' said Delphine.

'So?'

Delphine pulled her in for another kiss. 'So right.'

Cosima smiled against her lips. 'Yeah. It does.'

'Can I... touch you?'

Cosima's breath hitched. She felt Delphine's fingers drift down to the base of her neck and lightly hover there, waiting. Shifting her weight to one hand, she brought the other up to cover one of Delphine's and gently guided it down, inviting. 

'Yes,' she said. 'Gods, yes.' 

…

Cosima trailed a row of kisses down Delphine’s stomach, delighting in the scent of her skin. As she began to move lower, she felt Delphine’s hand on her shoulder. ‘Wait. I am not sure…’ 

Cosima pulled herself up again and smiled reassuringly. ‘That’s fine, we don’t have to—’ 

‘It is not that,’ said Delphine, returning a small smile of her own. ‘I would like that, I think. It is just that I need you closer to me.’ Her smile faded a little. ‘So that I am… sure it is you.’

Cosima settled herself against Delphine, careful to rest her arm lightly across Delphine’s waist so she wouldn’t feel trapped. _The council, first thing tomorrow,_ she thought to herself. But all she said was, ‘I’m right here. Right here.’

…

They fell asleep entwined in the dawn light, skin to skin, a soft tangle of limbs wrapped in the same rough blanket, chests rising and falling to the same gentle rhythm.

…

Cosima bolted upright and coughed. Her skin felt unpleasantly hot and stretched, and she couldn’t catch her breath. Peering blearily around the room, she saw that the blue light of dawn had been tinged red, and dark clouds of smoke filled the air.

‘Delphine,’ she croaked, reaching across the bed to shake the woman beside her. There was no response.

‘Delphine!’ she tried to scream, but her voice gave way to an onslaught of coughing as the smoke pressed in around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't know what to say about this chapter. But thanks for sticking with me this far!


	21. Fire

Still choking, Cosima climbed over Delphine and pulled the other woman with her to the floor next to the bed. Delphine hit the ground with a gasp, and Cosima couldn’t tell if her dizziness was from the lack of air or her rush of relief that Delphine had woken up. 

Delphine began to cough too, gazing wildly around the room. Cosima reached out, grabbing Delphine’s shoulder to get her attention. ‘Stay low,’ she croaked between her own bursts of coughing. Pushing herself up again for a moment, she yanked the blanket from the bed down on top of them.

She groped blindly towards the stand next to the bed, where she’d seen a pitcher of water sitting when she’d first come in. There. Her hand closed around the handle and she brought it down, angling to pour it over the blanket.

Delphine’s hands stopped her. Delphine was choking too much to say anything, but she gestured at the pitcher and pointed urgently over Cosima’s shoulder.

Eyes watering from the smoke, Cosima squinted in the direction Delphine was pointing. Through the black clouds, she saw that the wooden door of the room was on fire, along with some of Delphine’s belongings that hung on pegs near the door.

Cosima dropped the blanket, casting around instead for something lighter. Delphine’s discarded robe lay half under the bed. She grabbed it and dunked it quickly in the pitcher. Holding the wet cloth over her nose and mouth with one hand and the pitcher in the other, she began to crawl across the room on her elbows, heading for the door. 

When she was as close to the blaze as she could manage, she lurched to her feet. Blackness blotted out the bright light of the flames, and she swayed. Sweat streaked down her skin.

 _Delphine_ , she thought, and heaved the pitcher upward.

A loud hissing sound filled her ears.

The world tilted. She felt the floor slam into her side, sending shockwaves reverberating through her bones. She tried to gasp but there was nothing to breathe.

Then there was nothing at all.

…

Through the whirlwind of sensations she’d woken up to, Delphine could just see Cosima crawling away from her, towards the flames. Coughing so much she felt she might crack in two, she pushed herself to her hands and knees and followed.

Keeping her head low, she didn’t see Cosima fling the contents of the pitcher at the door. But she looked up at the stinging hiss of contact and saw Cosima fall. Scrambling forward, she reached the princess just in time to cushion her head before it struck the floor. 

The door in front of them was steaming and dark, but around them, her belongings still flickered and burned. Her hand fell on something soft—the cloth Cosima had been breathing through. She wrapped it around her hand, reached for the latch, and shoved the charred remnants of the door open.

The remaining flames flared around them as fresh air rushed in. The burst of heat drove her back to the floor, where she lay curled over Cosima, their foreheads touching, faces flushed, both glistening with sweat in the orange light.

As the heat subsided, Delphine pushed herself up again and stumbled out into the rest of the suite. She grabbed the first long object she could find—a candlestick from the desk—and rushed back into the bedroom.

Using the candlestick, Delphine knocked the flaming clothes to the stone floor and beat at the flames with the wet cloth. Slowly, slowly, the fires died, leaving black piles of steaming scraps strewn around a room full of smoke.

She heard coughing behind her. Cosima had rolled onto her side, choking but awake. Delphine went to her. Together they crawled through the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't keep Team Cophine down! They always get back up again.


	22. Revelations

‘I’ll send for the guard,’ Cosima said, voice hoarse. She and Delphine sat side by side on the floor of the antechamber of Delphine’s suite, backs against the door they’d shut to contain the acrid smoke and the smell of burning.

Delphine shook her head. ‘That fire was set deliberately.’ She coughed. ‘We do not know who we can trust.’

‘You suspect the guard? That would be treason.’

‘Not if they had orders,’ Delphine said.

‘What?’ Cosima stared at her. ‘No, even Rachel wouldn’t…’

 _The guard escorting Delphine to the servants’ quarters: ‘Miss Cormier is no longer a librarian here.’ The welts on Delphine’s back, vivid enough to be treated by candlelight. Delphine, fragile and shivering behind a closed door: ‘_ Je ne me sens pas bien _…’_ _Rachel hurling a lit candle at her handmaiden: ‘I know about you two!’ Shay walking away from the castle. Veera surrounded by flames._

Cosima fell silent.

‘We’ll go straight to the healers, then,’ she said after a moment.

‘We cannot trust them either. Besides…’ Delphine smiled faintly. ‘You are a healer.’

‘But we need fresh air and supplies.’

_Vivid enough to be treated by candlelight…_

Cosima sat up straight. ‘I know where we can go. The room off the kitchen still has the blankets and medical supplies from that night that Rachel...’ She rushed on. ‘We can get fresh water from the kitchen, and then, well… figure it out from there.’

‘I do not think we should leave here,’ Delphine said. ‘What if the person who did this sees us and attacks again?’

‘I’d like to see them try,’ Cosima said darkly. ‘And we still have Scott and his friends on our side. Anyway, we can’t just sit here all night.’

When Delphine said nothing, Cosima turned to face her. She studied her a moment, tucking a stray blonde curl behind Delphine’s ear. Her hand lingered on Delphine’s cheek. ‘Please, Delphine. I need to make sure you’re okay,’ she said seriously. ‘And not just from the fire.’

‘Oh,’ said Delphine, turning to look behind her as if she could see through the closed door. ‘The book.’

…

Cosima had refused to let Delphine return to the smoke-filled bedroom, but Delphine had refused to leave without the book she’d taken from Rachel’s room, in case it held answers about the night’s ordeal. So, ignoring Delphine’s protests that she had been equally compromised, Cosima had covered her face with a cloth and ducked back inside just long enough to grab the book from the corner where Delphine had dropped it, along with a notebook Delphine had indicated.

Now Delphine sat in the room off the kitchen, wrapped in a blanket, flipping through the soot-darkened pages and squinting at the text in the candlelight. Cosima had gone to fetch water from the kitchen. Delphine’s ragged breathing quickened every time she heard footsteps in the corridor as she tried to distinguish the returning princess’s step from the passing guard’s. She stifled her coughs as best she could, and leaned only as close to the candle as was absolutely necessary for her task.

Rachel’s book seemed to consist mainly of lists and passages written in Yral. Delphine recognized some of the terms as referring to plants and spices, but many more were unknown to her. Using her notes, Delphine patiently looked up each one and wrote down its translation, if she could find one. Despite the events of the night, the pain in her throat, and the bittersweet memories that filled the shadowy room around her, she found the familiar work calming. She repeated each word in her head as she wrote its translation, allowing herself to find strength in the pleasure of new knowledge—ignoring, for now, its possible implications. 

…

Cosima returned with a large pitcher of water, cups, clean cloths, and a healer’s kit of various small bottles and bandages. Finally, after she had tended both Delphine and herself to her satisfaction and poured them each another cup of water, she wrapped one arm gently around Delphine and leaned over her shoulder to see her work. 

Her brow furrowed.

Sensing her sudden tension, Delphine paused, pen hovering above the page. ‘What do you make of this? Is it…’ She swallowed. ‘Could this have…’

‘Yes,’ Cosima said. She pointed at one of the translated lists. ‘These are sedatives, and some powerful… uh, aphrodisiacs. This could be what…’

‘I see,’ said Delphine tightly.

Cosima bit her lip, then slid her finger down the page. ‘These others though. These are deadly.’

‘Poison?’

‘Most likely.’

Delphine turned to look at her, eyes glassy in the flickering candlelight. ‘Is it possible that Rachel has poisoned me?’ 

Cosima took a deep breath, coughed, and had to take a sip of water before replying. She rested her free hand on Delphine’s knee, squeezing reassuringly. ‘I don’t think so,’ she said when she had her breath back. ‘The symptoms seem to have cleared, and since I will make sure you are never, ever under her influence ever again’—Cosima locked her gaze on Delphine’s, the promise heavy in her voice—‘I don’t think you’ll experience any more effects.’

‘But what effects should I watch out for? In case...’

‘Unnatural exhaustion, difficulty breathing, possibly hallucination…’ Cosima trailed off.

_‘She’s been swaying between unconsciousness and delirium since early this afternoon,’ the healer whispered. ‘We’re doing everything we can, but she hasn’t responded to any of our treatments.’_

It couldn’t be. Even Rachel wouldn’t go that far.

Would she?

Cosima felt cold.

‘What else was written on the page with these?’ she asked grimly.

...

By the time their second candle was guttering in its dish, Cosima was so angry she thought she might set fire to the castle herself.

‘It’s time to end this,’ she said as she shook in Delphine’s arms. ‘Once and for all.’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything comes full circle...


	23. Recovery

Cosima arrived at her mother’s chambers with a bag of herbs, Delphine at her side, and Scott and his friends, Painmaker and Doomsday, at her back. She ordered everyone else out of her mother’s bedroom and locked the door.

She knelt by the bed. The queen’s breathing was barely perceptible, her skin dull and gray. She did not stir.

Cosima went to work.

…

A few hours later, there was a pattern of soft knocks on the door. Scott stepped outside, returning after a few minutes.

‘She’s barely come out of her chambers,’ Scott whispered to Delphine as Cosima continued her work. ‘She called for a headache tonic and breakfast in her room about an hour ago, but that was it.’

‘You are sure you can trust the guards watching her?’ Delphine whispered back.

‘With my life.’

Delphine turned back to the kneeling princess, lost in concentration. ‘And with Cosima’s?

Scott followed her gaze. ‘Yes.’

‘Someone set the fire, Scott.’ 

‘I know. We’ll find them.’

… 

Cosima scrubbed her hands in the bowl of water Delphine had brought to her. She looked tired but triumphant. _Even soot-stained and exhausted_ , Delphine thought, _she is beautiful_.

‘She’s stable,’ Cosima said. ‘Too soon to tell much else, but all the signs are promising.’ Her expression darkened. ‘Any movement from Rachel?’

‘She is still in her chamber. Cosima—’ Delphine caught her arm as she turned resolutely toward the door. ‘It has been a long night. You should rest.’ 

Cosima shook her head. ‘Not until this is over,’ she said, ‘and everyone I love is safe.’

…

Cosima stood alone in the doorway of Rachel’s chambers, fighting to control the whirlwind of emotions that arose as she surveyed the room. Bright crystal shards littered the floor, glinting in the late morning sunlight and reflecting the red stain that slashed across the white rug.

The last time she had dared to enter Rachel’s rooms uninvited, she’d found her sister hurling a lit candle at poor Veera. The flames from that night blended into the flames of this morning. Cosima blinked them away. Squaring her shoulders, she marched across the room and pushed the curtain to the bedroom aside.

It was dark, all the drapes drawn against the morning sun. The light from the doorway fell across Rachel’s bed where she sat, back straight, holding a cloth to her forward and glaring at Cosima. She looked haggard. Cosima had never seen her like this before, and for a moment, she faltered. They were still twins, after everything. 

 _No_ , she thought. _Not after this_.

‘What is this?’ Rachel rasped, the usual haughtiness in her voice, but something else, too. _Fear_ , Cosima thought. She steeled herself. _Good_.

‘Rachel,’ she said, voice shaking. ‘You are hereby charged with coercion, sexual assault, and treason against your own family through the attempted murders of myself, Delphine Cormier, and—’ Her voice broke. She continued. ‘And our mother, the queen.’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ Rachel said. ‘Mother is ill and you look perfectly healthy to me. If this is more of your tireless obsession with the legal contract that—’

‘You forced Delphine to sign that contract! You’ve been abusing her for years, and last night you attacked her. Then you realized she’d taken that book you used to make an ancient, untraceable poison for mother, so you ordered her rooms set on fire while we were sleeping.’ Her hands were curled into fists. ‘Don’t you dare deny any of it.’

Rachel’s eyes narrowed. ‘While you were…’ Then she threw her head back and laughed, an ugly laugh that nearly forced Cosima back a step. The cloth Rachel had been holding fell forgotten on the bedspread. ‘Of course you were in her bed. Of course. Your damsel in distress.’ She reached for a glass that sat near the bed and raised it to her lips. ‘And you ate it up, I’ll bet. Ate _her_ up, even, no?’

She took a sip and set the glass down hard, the contents sloshing from side to side. ‘Well, I won’t deny this: your damsel’s distress is certainly… delicious.’ She raised one prim eyebrow toward a corner of the room. A thin, plain shift lay crumpled on the floor.

 _Delphine’s_ , Cosima realized. Pain sliced through her. Her anger rocketed and she held onto it, forcing the grief down.

‘Thanks for the admission of guilt,’ she said, voice hard. ‘And because Delphine is smarter than you, we have the book, too. Which proves treason. Wouldn’t you say, guys?’

Scott, Painmaker, Doomsday, and two other guards Scott had vouched for entered the room.

‘I’d say so,’ Scott said. He looked terrified but determined.

‘Then she’s all yours,’ Cosima said grimly.

Rachel’s face twisted. ‘Enough of this nonsense. You wish to talk of treason? Lay a hand on me and you’ll all hang. And you—’ she looked from the guards back to Cosima. ‘You can watch your precious Delphine squirm under sweaty bodies for the rest of your miserable lives.’

Any last trace of empathy Cosima might have felt for her twin vanished. They shared blood and nothing else. So be it.

‘Cut the bullshit, Rachel,’ Cosima said, more calmly than she felt. ‘You have no power anymore, and no family, either. Mother will recover and Delphine and I will be happy, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You are too set in your selfish, sadistic ways to ever love anybody, or to be worthy of it. You’re no princess. You’re just a bully.’

‘You are half right,’ Rachel said. ‘I am no princess.’ Straightening, she smiled another ugly smile. ‘I am the queen.’ 

‘No,’ said a frail voice from the doorway.

A thin figure stepped into the room to stand behind Cosima, casting a shadow across Rachel’s expression of shock.

‘I am,’ said Queen Susan. ‘And I hereby banish you from this realm.’

…

The room was silent for a moment. Then Rachel recovered her composure. 

‘Mother,’ she said flatly. ‘How wonderful to see you're feeling better. You really should lie down. I don't think you know what you're saying.’

‘I do,’ said Susan firmly, ‘and I will say it again. You are no longer welcome in my kingdom.’ 

‘You can't do this,’ said Rachel quietly. 

‘Leave us,’ Susan said to the guards, her gaze never leaving Rachel's.

Cosima touched Scott's shoulder as he passed her. ‘Stay close, though,' she whispered. He nodded. 

Slow but dignified, leaning on a beautifully carved wooden cane for support, Queen Susan approached her daughter’s bed.

‘Mother—’ Rachel began again, back perfectly straight now.

‘Rachel.’ Susan planted the cane in front of her and brought both hands to rest on it.

She met Rachel’s anger with calm resignation. ‘Banishment is a mercy. By all rights you should be put to death,’ she said. ‘But I cannot bear it, as even now you are my daughter. And I have already lost too much.’ 

‘Banishment,’ Rachel repeated. ‘This is madness. I am the heir to this kingdom. It is mine by birthright!’

‘You have betrayed this kingdom,’ said Susan. ‘You have betrayed your family, and you have betrayed yourself. You have no birthright, now.’ 

‘Goodbye, Rachel,’ said Cosima. She turned to the door, ready to summon Scott back again and end this. 

‘No!’ 

Cosima whirled back around just in time to see Rachel lunge out of the bed, hands locking around Susan's throat. 

There was no time to shout.

Cosima threw herself at her mother and sister. Susan was gasping, scrabbling at Rachel's hands but off balance from the attack and too weakened by her illness to break free. Cosima tried to yank Rachel away, but Rachel ignored her, single-minded in her goal. In the back of Cosima's mind she registered the guards crashing back into the room. They were still too far. 

Cosima reached out, groping blindly until her fingers touched something solid. A candlestick.

She swung it at Rachel's head with all her might. It didn't connect solidly, but Rachel dropped her hands. She swayed for a moment, bringing her furious gaze around to meet Cosima's. 

For a moment there was only the two of them, eyes locked, wills matched, twin expressions of rage.

Then the guards reached the elder princess, and she went down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end... thanks for your patience with the lag between updates!
> 
> __________
> 
> Update: Extended ending!


	24. Renewal

_One month later_

…

Cosima and Delphine lay side by side, facing each other, on the floor of the pavilion in the royal family garden. The scents of herbs and flowers floated on the air. Cosima could name them all.

Delphine giggled. ‘What if someone sees us?’

Cosima shrugged as best she could from that position, smiling. ‘So?’

‘Well, it is not very princess-like, lying on the floor like this.’

‘True,’ said Cosima, rolling onto her back in a pool of dappled sunlight. ‘But isn’t it glorious?’

‘Mm,’ Delphine agreed. She glanced over at Cosima. The princess’s eyes were closed. Delphine smiled and followed suit.

After a while, Cosima let out an exaggerated sigh. ‘I guess you’re right. You should probably stand up.’

‘Me?’ Delphine’s eyebrows rose. ‘Why me?’

Cosima grinned. ‘Because I command it?’

‘Cheeky,’ Delphine grumbled, rolling over and getting to her feet. ‘Now what?’

‘Now,’ Cosima said, sitting up and reaching into the pocket of her tunic, ‘I get this out.’ She rose to one knee and held out the object she’d retrieved. The shadows of the garden’s leaves danced around them. The object she held sparkled in the sunlight.

‘Delphine Cormier,’ Cosima said, ‘will you marry me?’

Delphine gasped. ‘Oh, Cosima.’ Her hands rose to her cheeks, a wide smile lighting up her face. But a moment later it softened, and she dropped to her knees to clasp Cosima’s hands around the ring. ‘ _Mon amour_ ,’ she said, ‘I would like nothing better. But you are the heir now, and your people will not want a French queen.’ She looked down. ‘Worse, a commoner.’

‘I don’t care about all that,’ Cosima said, reaching out to touch Delphine’s cheek. ‘Didn’t you help save the queen’s life, and mine? No birth status means more than that. Not to me, and not to any kingdom I’d be proud to serve.’

Delphine remained silent, and Cosima laughed nervously. ‘You still look uncertain and it’s freaking me out a little.’

‘It is only…’ Delphine said, ‘what if they don’t like me?’

‘Oh, that?’ Cosima smiled. ‘Don’t worry. They’ll love you once they get to know you. I mean, I did. And they’ll have plenty of time to get to know you, because we’re going to travel the country together.’ The ring flashed as Cosima’s gestures grew larger in excitement. ‘I’ll keep learning medicine, and you can learn new languages, and we’ll go to every town and village and get to know the people there, and they’ll get to know us. We can travel the world, Delphine. All the places where all the languages you’ve studied come from, healing arts I’ve never heard of… and, like, I’m talking a lot, so please just say yes.’

What could Delphine say to that? She smiled back. ‘You are sure about this?’

‘Yes! Delphine, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.’

‘Then… _oui_. Yes.’ She pulled Cosima to her feet and kissed her.

… 

At dinner that night, Delphine sat with Cosima and Susan at the royal table. Looking around, Cosima grinned. The room was abuzz with speculation, eyes moving back and forth between herself and Delphine. 

They were mostly friendly eyes, Cosima felt. Some smiles. A few grim faces, but they would win them over.

By the main door she saw Scott, wearing the crest that identified him as the new Captain of the Guard. He flashed her a cheerful thumbs-up when she caught his eye. Painmaker and Doomsday stood together by a side door. The fire-setter was still at large, but every guard on active duty had been personally vetted by Scott, and with Rachel gone, the danger had most likely passed.

Rachel… Cosima sighed, recalling that awful night, and the morning that followed. Scott had personally overseen Rachel’s departure, assigning several guards he trusted to escort her to the border and ensure that she crossed.

At Cosima’s request, Scott had sent guards for Aldous Leekie as well, but by the time they arrived at the university he had been visiting, he had slipped away into the night. Scott assured her he would keep up the search. In the meantime, it was unlikely that Leekie would show his face at the castle again, given the recent turn of events.

And speaking of recent events… Cosima looked at Delphine, who smiled nervously back. Cosima squeezed her hand. ‘It’s gonna be fine,’ she whispered reassuringly.

And it would be, now. Delphine had been through a lot, but with Cosima’s gentle care and unshakeable enthusiasm for the future, she was healing. And the queen, though still fragile, was recovering well. As of today, they would put the past behind them.

‘So,’ said Queen Susan to Delphine, ‘you will have to tell us all about France. I must confess I am not very familiar with the ruling family there.’

Delphine laughed. ‘I must confess I am not either.’ She smoothed her napkin in her lap. ‘In fact, your Majesty, I must confess I am not very familiar with many royal customs, here or in France. It is… all very new to me. I hope I can live up to your people’s expectations.’

‘They will be your people too, soon,’ Susan said. ‘And I will say to you what I said to Cosima when she was just a girl. If you serve the people well, they will serve you well. So that is what I bid you both. Serve the people well.’

‘Now,’ she continued, ‘I believe there’s an announcement to make.’ She stood gracefully, ignoring the cane the healers had brought for her.

Hands joined, Cosima and Delphine rose together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, 
> 
> I'm so sorry for the delays at the end but we finally made it! I really hope you enjoyed this fic. I was sad to see this beloved show end but writing this fic helped me ease into the post-Orphan Black world. I will never tire of seeing couples like Cophine find each other, endure trials, overcome, and find each other all over again. I look forward to reading Cophine fics for many years to come. 
> 
> I want to say special, huge THANK YOUs to to JB22, who was with me from the very beginning, and to Defy_them and Snow, who offered so many words of encouragement and interesting perspectives on OB more broadly. You guys rock! Hit me up if you want to reminisce or theorize more about OB sometime :) 
> 
> Thanks also to everyone who read, commented, and kudo'ed—it kept me going. I wish you all lives full of alliance, defiance, and crazy, crazy science. 
> 
> \- Maintechst


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